2007 Christmas Gift Guide

Don't look now, but the holidays are upon us, and you've got just one month left to check everybody off on your gift list. It can be a stressful time of the year, but a little planning can save you a lot of trouble. My helpful tip for shoppers this year is simple: Don't get gifts for anybody. It will save money and time, and if anyone dare question it, they are walking right into a self-righteous ambush. Here's how it goes:

YOU: So this year, I'm not getting any gifts for people.

VICTIM: I like gifts! You are a bad person. You are selfish and thoughtless not to participate in our annual gift card exchange ritual!

YOU: Oh, I guess I'm just too mature and classy and good to really care about stuff like that. I'm above it, if you will. Not like you.

VICTIM: What?! I'm not materialistic! You're wrong... er... The Three Kings... Saint Nicholas... presents are good!

YOU: Hey, I've got an idea: You "people of the world" love your television sets right? Maybe you should watch a program called "A Charlie Brown Christmas", and start to undertand the way I see it. Do they still show that one?

VICTIM: You win! You are a better person than me and a genius and you don't have to buy presents for anybody.

YOU: I know.

Yes, this debate will always result in overwhelming victory for the anti-gift-exchange party, and then you get to take all that extra $$$ you've saved and indulge yourself! With this in mind, I've assembled my 2007 Christmas Gift Guide, with some items I might buy for my own enjoyment.

SPY VIDEO CAR:

You cannot go wrong with r/c cars. They are forever, like diamonds. These days, Wild Planet is adding a new twist to the r/c car with the Spy Video Car, a part of its Spy Gear collection. It is a radio controlled car with a camera mounted on it. The obvious benefit of this arrangement, as the packaging proudly proclaims, is the ability to "SPY on COOL STUFF in other places!" That is basically what the CIA does, and now you can too. The images collected by the car's camera are viewed in a small, head-mounted screen over the operator's eye "[b]ecause plain-sight video monitors are not acceptable in the spy world", according to the manufacturer. The Spy Car can be used to conduct covert missions "[f]rom the safety of your spy headquarters... wherever your video vehicle travels, indoors and out, up to 75 feet away." Apparently, 75 feet is a safe distance "in the spy world". The box also mentions that the car delivers a "COOL BLACK & WHITE VIDEO FEED". Color video feeds are sort of getting old - it was a nice touch by the manufacturer to go the extra mile and get one of these high-tech black-and-white feeds. Next product.


NERF N-STRIKE LONGSHOT CS-6

Sometimes the spy life can get dirty. If the hostiles suffer the misfortune of discovering your Spy Car, then it's all over - for them, not for you because you've got a Longshot. This is serious Nerf firepower. The CS-6 doesn't cut any corners. It has a scope. That's right. Some of you may be wondering what purpose a scope could serve, given your knowledge of the nature of the Nerf ammunition. Well, this is 2007, Nerf's not messing around anymore and the CS-6 has a devastating 35 foot range. This puppy loads with clips. Yup, clips of Nerf darts. They even thought to add a fold-down bi-pod to keep 'er steady. If the fight gets in close, the 3 foot behemoth can be dismantled into a more manageable single-shot sidearm with one-handed operation. It may seem like overkill, but the CS-6 could easily be obsolete next year if the Nerf "Chemical Weapons" product line hits the shelves.

So that should give you some ideas to get started. Remember, cash is kind of the best gift ever.

San Diego Fires

Here's a picture taken this evening from Mt. Helix, just a mile and a half south of the George McFly's Left Hook Headquarters.

This is the "Harris Fire," the smaller of the two big fires in San Diego County, about five miles Southeast of Mt. Helix.

Please pray that the winds continue to weaken and the fires are contained, so that GMLH can continue to to bring you quality analysis of local sports and animal news.

NFL Game of the Week

The Arizona Cardinals will travel to play the Washington Redskins at "FedEx Field" in Landover, MA tomorrow. Considering that the term "mail it in" is commonly used to describe a sub-standard effort, then the news that the Redskins play at "FedEx Field" is a story in and of itself. Anyhow, due to injuries to starter Matt Leinart and backup Kurt Warner, the Cardinals could be relying on their third string QB Tim Rattay and newly signed QB Tim Hasselbeck. Tim Hasselbeck is not only the brother of Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck, but also the spouse of "The View" co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck. As everyone knows, Elizabeth Hasselback has been at the center of some controversies lately over at "The View", and gotten on the wrong side of such dignitaries as Barry Manilow, Rosie O'Donnell, and Whoopie Goldberg.

It is not easy to say who Barry, Rosie and Whoopie will be rooting for. If their dislike for Hasselbeck stems mostly from her relatively conservative opinions, then it is hard to imagine them supporting the Washington "Redskins" either. Maybe they will have to root for Washington, but take great care to refer to them only as the "Washington First Nations People".

I don't think that "The View" should ever cross paths with the NFL. Hopefully Kurt Warner will recover in time to make the start at quarterback so we can avoid this whole ugly situation.

Browns Superbowl Prediction

The Cleveland Indians are a single win away from the World Series. Should they advance, they will meet the Colorado Rockies for the championship. The Rockies have won 21 of their last 22 games and are looking pretty tough. It is entirely possible then, that the Indians could advance to the World Series and lose all four games to the Rockies.

Earlier this year, the Cleveland Cavs were swept in four games by the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA Finals, so if the Indians get swept, then Cleveland teams will have appeared in a remarkable 8 professional championship games - during a span of just months - without winning any of them.

Furthermore, if you are a college grad in Cleveland then you probably went to Ohio State, and so most Cleveland sports fans pledge their allegiance to OSU. This is interesting, because during 2007 Ohio State made it to both of the largest college athletic events of the year - the football championship and the basketball championship - and lost.

If the Indians can take one more game from Boston, Cleveland sports fans will have an excellent chance to witness 10 crushing defeats of their favorite teams in less than a year. With any luck, the Browns will catch the fever and get to the Superbowl in January to complete a perfect sports year for Cleveland, losing at each of America's most hyped athletic events.

Quick-Thinking Golden Retriever Saves Woman with Improvised Heimlich Maneuver

This is the closest I've found to a reverse of the scenario in my last post. There are no known accounts online of persons receiving snout-to-mouth resuscitation from dogs. Back in May, so the story goes, a Golden Retriever performed a "modified Heimlich" on a choking woman by pushing her over and jumping up and down on her. As I recall, my family had a dog once who was also familiar with the modified Heimlich. He used to try it out on lots of people when they weren't expecting it. We usually just yelled at him and told him to cut it out, but if we were choking it would have been pretty nice having him around.

By the way, I first found the story listed at "dogsinthenews.com". I am pleased to announce that "dogsinthenews.com" is now an official link from this blog.

Quick-Thinking Police Officer Saves German Shepherd with CPR

LIGONIER, IN: Meet Samo, a member of the Ligonier Police Department's K-9 Unit, who enjoys playing with a tennis ball "to stay active" when he's off duty. This of course raises some questions about the nature of Samo's work with the police department; does Samo have a lot of paperwork to do or something that keeps him from staying active? Is the K-9 unit turning into more of a desk job these days? Does Samo send out emails to "All" with forwarded youtube links and joke lists?

Whatever the answer, it all would have been over for Samo were it not for his quick-thinking partner, Officer Josh Halsey, because while Samo was playing with a tennis ball last Tuesday evening, the unthinkable happened: he swallowed the tennis ball, and began choking.

Fortunately, Halsey found Samo just moments before the dog collapsed. In a Today Show interview, Halsey explains what happened next:

HALSEY: When I get to my police car, I put him on the ground, wondering what's a matter with him. Not breathing, tongue's purple... So I start CPR on him and...

REPORTER: Wait a minute; when you say CPR, do you mean, actually, mouth-to... -nose... resuscitation?

HALSEY: Mouth-to-snout, yes.

End transcript. Halsey is absolutely correct to make a distinction between 'nose' and 'snout', because a snout includes both a nose and a mouth. The experts at pgaa.com say to "place your mouth over the dog's nose and mouth making sure the seal is tight" when performing CPR. Blowing air into a dog's nose alone will accomplish nothing. So don't try it. Especially if the dog is not requiring CPR, and is merely sleeping. That situation is addressed in the first step of the mouth-to-snout procedure listed at veterinarypartner.com:

"Make Certain the Animal is Actually Arrested and Unconscious: Talk to the animal first. Gently touch and attempt to awaken the pet. You could be seriously injured should you attempt to perform CPR on a pet who was only sleeping heavily and was startled awake".

Officer Halsey proved that he did all of his homework during the "Dog Care and Medical Care on Your Canine" portion of the his Canine Academy training, and Samo has recovered. He (Samo) was, in fact, scheduled to return to the office late last week. Samo's inbox must be stuffed after taking sick days, and at this very moment he's probably sorting his way through a bunch of voicemails.

Thanks to the alert reader who brought the story to my attention. Like Isaac Newton, if I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. Which is a way of saying that if I have blogged about a dog who got CPR, or "seen further", it is by standing on the shoulders of large readers who forward the stories to me.

Moose Harass North Dakota

A moose has been caught posing as a member of a herd of cattle. Ernie and Beverly Fischer made the discovery during a roundup Wednesday at their ranch in Cannon Ball, ND. According to the Bismark Tribune, "[t]he moose followed the cattle all over during the roundup until they were brought into the corral". Just recently, the story reports, Sam Gross of Emmons county made a similar discovery of a moose amongst his cattle. So there appears to be a developing trend of moose attempting to infiltrate cattle populations by masquerading as cows. This, by the way, is what makes the papers in Bismark, ND.

The moose has been captured, and is currently being held in custody by the Fischers, but the real struggle will be releasing it. According to the story, Ernie had a "difficult task getting the moose away from the cattle", and he speculates that the moose is "probably going to break some more fences his way off the ranch". The story notes that "[p]roblems can occur when letting a moose go, but most of the time the moose should move on".

That, with all due respect, sounds like wishful thinking. This moose clearly is obsessed with the cattle lifestyle; to the point, as Bev noted, that he actually "thinks he's a cow". The Fischers can't just expect the moose to let all of that go and "move on". Unfortunately for the Fischers though, a moose is a well protected animal in North Dakota, and in fact, there is no moose season in the Cannon Ball area, so we'll just have to hope for the best.