Beowulf

Recently I had the urge, for some reason, to read early Anglo-Saxon epic poetry. So I picked up Beowulf, partly because it's pretty short. I figured I'd get through it rather quickly and still have that great sense of accomplishment of finishing a book.

I could almost immediately see the influence it had on Tolkien: monsters and dragons, the sounds of the places and names, the hardened but virtuous warrior embarking on a seemingly hopeless journey, etc. Tolkien was the scholar who opened up Beowulf to literary criticism, going further than the mere historical or linguistic attention it had received previously. I would like to take this a step further and dare to suggest that the anonymous author of Beowulf was prophetic. Specifically regarding Superbowl IV.

Superbowl IV was the timeless matchup in 1970 between my home team, the Kansas City Chiefs, and the Minnesota Vikings, team of our esteemed commenter, "anonymous."

The obvious connection is in the team names: Chiefs and Vikings. Beowulf was written in England, but it was written about events that took place in Viking Sweden and Denmark before some of these people relocated to the British Isles. The Vikings were not a monolithic entity. They were a collection of tribes with cultural unity but local loyalties to the strongest warrior, constantly fighting one another. Beowulf, the hero of the epic, through his prowess and sheer domination, became the Chief of the Geats.

Beowulf is referred to as a chief or chieftan multiple times in the poem. Here is just one example:

The chieftain went on to reward the others:

each man on the bench who had sailed with Beowulf

and risked the voyage received a bounty,

some treasured possession.

[Lines 1049 - 1052, Seamus Heaney translation]

How true - even now. The Chiefs have a 53-man roster. Only 11 can be on the field at a time. The players who spend most their career sitting on the bench still get paid.

Although the Vikings were 13-point favorites going into the game, it ended in a 23-7 Chiefs' victory. Quarterback Len Dawson was awarded the MVP (strikingly similar to Beowulf receiving the "MVP" from Hrothgar after killing Grendel). This passage from Beowulf accurately describes the defeat of Vikings, then and in 1970:

But when dawn broke and day crept in

over each empty, blood-spattered bench,

the floor of the mead hall where they had feasted [Tulane Stadium]

would be slick with slaughter. And so they died,

faithful retainers, and my following dwindled.

[484 - 488]

After the slaying of Grendel, the Danes held a celebration in honor of Beowulf. They sang and played music for the hero, and a poet recounted for the chief the fate of one Viking tribe:

The woman wailed

and sang keens,

the warrior went up.

Carcass flame

swirled and fumed,

they stood round the burial

mound and howled

as heads melted,

crusted gashes

spattered and ran

bloody matter.

The glutton element

flamed and consumed

the dead of both sides.

Their great days were gone.

[1118 - 25]

I admit we don't have conclusive evidence to support my thesis, and nowadays the Chiefs are no team to boast about, as hinted at in the last two quoted lines. But the inquisitive reader can't help but be perplexed by the similarities between this piece of literature saturated with mystery and Superbowl IV which took place over a thousand years later.

The Life and Death of a Coffee Table

There are many great things about life as a bachelor. One of them is the flexibility for innovation in home décor.

When I relocated to San Diego three years ago, I loaded up a U-Haul with furniture I had accumulated over the years, and some pieces that my family no longer had use for. I unpacked and settled into my suburban apartment, and soon realized I had nowhere to prop my feet while sitting on my couch watching TV. After carefully deliberating all the options at the local Wal-Mart, I finally decided on the cheapest coffee table available.

By the world's standards, she wasn't the most beautiful coffee table. It had no glass top or handy compartments; no fancy ornamentations or legs that curve inward and outward and resemble animal paws. Coasters were not necessary. It was just a slate of common wood with four legs.

But this simple surface soon became an integral part of the apartment's life. Roommates eventually moved in and our domestic activities centered around this shared table. We put our beverages on it and it graciously held the remote control.

Occasionally the table would take some abuse. It had to be moved quite often to make room for working out in the living room, which took a toll on its poor legs. From time to time one roommate would, in his enthusiasm for inflicting punishment, throw another roommate into the table. Our coffee table quietly endured these trials and held together - for a while. It's aged limbs would become weary and wobbly. Duct tape held her together for a while, but as you can see in the picture, we eventually had to amputate.

After the surgery, it was difficult to adapt. Meals weren't quite the same. Drinks would slide to the floor. I could never find the remote.

One day that happy summer, upon returning from the beach, we discovered that a cooler, coupled with a shoe box, made a perfect Styrofoam prosthesis for that crippled coffee table. She was as level as she was on the day I assembled her. We had a place to put things again. It was just like old times.

The remaining months were peaceful, but it became apparent that although our coffee table was level again, it was in the waning moments of its life.

Friends, tonight this table held its last drink, its last book and its last foot. Fare thee well, dear coffee table. Fare thee well.