"To Mock a Killingbird"

Recommended Film: Mongol

Mongol is a Russian-made film in Mongolian language that traces the early life of Genghis Khan, or as he was called before coming to power, Temudjin.

The epic wonderfully presents the thirteenth century Mongolian culture. Before the stunning landscape of the Mongolian steppe, you meet Temudjin in a way different than in the history books. While witnessing the brutality he was capable of, you also see him as human.

Warning for those sensitive to violence: although this movie is primarily a love story, the battle sequences appear to be a showcase in the "blood-splatter" effect.

Mongol is shot and directed in a masterful style. It has the elegance and mystery of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (minus the magic), with a touch of Braveheart.

The style of this prequel is quite a departure from the original Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, but it works. The complexity of Genghis' character in Bill & Ted's makes so much more sense now after seeing his childhood struggles in Mongol.

It's good to see the franchise revitalized after the disappointing Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. I'll look forward to similar prequels highlighting Napoleon, Abraham Lincoln, and Socrates.

4 Stars.

How We Roll

How We Roll: 1998 Honda Civic DX Coupe Review

Welcome to "How We Roll", the new automotive review segment on GMLH. I will do my best in this feature to share with the readers some of my expertise of today's finest motor cars. Only motor cars will be reviewed; no carriages, chariots or buggies.

This is the inaugural edition of what will hopefully become a popular recurring feature; however, lacking reputation in car-review circles, and faced with the budgetary restrictions of this blog, a test vehicle becomes a particularly challenging thing to procure. Manufacturers aren't just standing in line, waiting to lend their products to the editors of How We Roll. Not yet. That day may came, but in the mean time, we will have to do our best with a 1998 Honda Civic DX Coupe.

One could do worse: this very same car has actually been mentioned or pictured in multiple posts on this blog in the past. When you step into the cabin, you are entering a piece of history.

The interior of the car lives up to the fame. High quality surface materials and well placed controls are things to be expected of any Honda, but as a bonus, the version we tested came equipped with some unique upgrades. For instance, our critics couldn't say enough about the integrated tape deck audio system with Dolby Noise Reduction, providing crystal-clear cassette tape listening pleasure. Other goodies, including a specially installed imitation-mahogany rubber steering wheel cover (from after-market specialist Wal-Mart), and a set of exquisite, Tasmanian Devil floor mats, created an atmosphere of understated luxury inside the Civic.

This is a drivers car, with a classic stick-shifting transmission. The brakes are another exciting feature; too many lawyers have led us to a market that is flooded with boring, anti-lock braking systems. The Civic DX comes as a breath of fresh air then, with its braking system that most definitely will lock, inducing long, enjoyable slides during even the driest of pavement conditions.

This car has had only two owners, and the original owner took great care of it, keeping complete service records stored in the glove box. The records were, unfortunately, stolen during a late-night breaking-and-entering. No great loss, however; those service records, if we could see them, would have been a short list of oil-changes and tire rotations. Manual transmission, manual locks, manual windows, and a complete lack of an air conditioner leave very few parts to be repaired. Plus, the missing air conditioner *very rare* turned out to be a great conversation starter during summer drives.

In conclusion, the 1998 Honda Civic DX is a reliable car, for fun, windows-down driving. If you are strictly concerned with the ride, and willing to give up pricey options like the Tasmanian Devil floor mats, you might even get behind the wheel for as little as $7500.

Puppy Bowl

Puppy Bowl V ran the same day as Super Bowl XLIII. If you aren't familiar with this event (Puppy Bowl), imagine if someone were to dump a couple dozen puppies onto a little model football field, throw in some chew toys, and then film it. Imagine if this program were to run for two hours. Just a bunch of dogs rolling around and bumping into each other, to the accompaniment of "play-by-play", which, because there are no plays to call, ends up being more of a relentless litany of dog/football related puns.

Two hours, and in case you miss anything, all five Puppy Bowls are available for sale on DVD.

There is no game, there are no points, and there almost is no point... except: If it weren't for the Puppy Bowl, there would be no material to inspire a post on George McFly's Left Hook for the first time in quite a while. GMLH is back. Go tell your friends.

New Sky Mall Summer 2008 Catalog

Last winter, as some readers may recall, Nerf shook up the foam projectile arms market when the formidable N-Strike Long Shot CS-6 was introduced. With a groundbreaking scope, it promised to change the Nerf battlefield forever and competitors were left scrambling for an answer. Almost a year later, the first alternative arrives : The Marshmallow Shooter now makes a serious bid for the customers of the Long Shot, making Nerf's scope technology seem obsolete by featuring an LED beam site, for improved accuracy. And the innovation doesn't stop there: the back of the box includes a built-in target for "practice". It is of the utmost necessity to make frequent use of the practice target; there will be no room for error when we face the enemy!

While this is clearly a response to Nerf's Long Shot, Sky Mall won't admit it. Rather, the product description makes reference to the Shooter's superiority over "other mallow blasters". One supposes that the Sky Mall advertising guys were trying to divert attention from an embarrassing short-coming of the Mallow Shooter: it's 30 foot range, while respectable, comes woefully short of the Long Shot's industry-leading 35 foot range. In light of this, the Shooter's flashy LED site would appear to be nothing but a cheap gimmick, and this may be why the Sky Mall front office tries to turn the conversation to these "other" mallow weapons they speak of.

Could it be the marketers who have fallen short, rather than the product? Consider that the Mallow Shooter actually does have a significant advantage over the Long Shot, because it fires readily available mini-marshmallows. Nerf ammunition is a somewhat rare and costly commodity, so Sky Mall engineers have really devised a very clever work-around. They turn to something as innocent as your local grocery store for an economical solution to the global shortage of foam projectiles. Considering that their mallow bazooka's retail price already undercuts the Long Shot by roughly $5, Sky Mall suddenly positions itself to level the world-wide balance of power, by providing poorer nations with a world class foam-weapons upgrade.

With this perspective, it becomes more clear why the Sky Mall marketers "overlooked" their new weapon's most appealing feature; Sky Mall would have to deal with an unpleasant public uproar were it known that this Bazooka, if successful, will ratchet up the price of mini marshmallows by turning them into weapons.

I do not mean to paint Sky Mall as some sort of cold, heartless, warmonger. Sky Mall makes valuable contributions to the lives of everyone with their catalog of wonderful and exciting products. So in the interest of balanced reporting, I present the "Pet's Observation Dome". While you may not be ready to tear down that wall between you and your neighbor, at least make a first baby step toward peace today, by poking a big hole in it. Imagine the delight of your neighbors when they step into their backyard one morning and realize that they are being observed by your pet, through a slick new Observation Dome, freshly installed! Sky Mall notes that "(s)pacing several portholes along the fence gives your pet an unfettered view of its surroundings".

Some skeptics have vented complaints in the "comments" section for this product. Apparently, the Dome is prone to fog up with a pet's head inside of it, and furthermore, drool tends to collect on the bottom. Both problems are easily remedied! Just install holes into the porthole to release dog exhaust and allow drool to drain, dribbling neatly out of sight on your neighbor's side of the fence.

Tampa Bay Rays Update!

Following a shrewd team-name adjustment during the off-season, the franchise formerly known as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays is enjoying a successful 2008 campaign. The "Rays" and their radiating beacon of victory are still holding onto first place in the hotly contested AL East, even late in the season as this post is being written.

On Wednesday night, the excitement continued to build throughout a six run rally in the ninth inning against the Cleveland Indians. Here is the general press release that has been in circulation about that game. Of particular interest is the fourth-paragraph quotation from Carlos Pena, who slugged a three run dinger to win it:

"That's something that we definitely think about it and envision," Pena said. "We actually see it in reality at the same time. It's very important for us that we also put it in perspective. We know it's great, we're enjoy it, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. We never lose focus in the fact, 'Hey, let's play the game today.' It's most important for us."

It isn't clear to what he is responding ("Mr. Pena, can you elaborate on how the Tampa Bay Rays are like the Puppy that Lost Its Way?), but his response seems pretty deep, and it prompts the following thought: You know who might be a great girl for Carlos Pena? Miss Teen South Carolina. They could talk about maps together:

South Carolina: You know Carlos, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, ah, education like such as in South Africa...

Carlos: Snookie-pie, that's something that we definitely think about it and envision... we actually see it in reality at the same time!

South Carolina: Yes, but as I was saying, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for our children, don't you think?

Carlos: Whoa baby, we just met! Our children? We know its great. We're enjoy it... but let's not get ahead of ourselves! Look, we never lose focus in the fact, 'Hey, let's play the game today.' It's most important for us! But it's very important for us that we also put it in perspective.

Anyway, things look good for the Rays, and if nothing else, all of this is hurting the Yankees and the Red Sox.

Happy Birthday Hilaire Belloc!

Here are a couple of my favorite poems by Hilaire Belloc in honor of his 138th Birthday. But mostly I just wanted to add another number to the "poetry" label to make it seem like we're pretty cultured.

Sonnet XXXI

The world’s a stage. The trifling entrance fee

Is paid (by proxy) to the registrar,

The Orchestra is very loud and free

But plays no music in particular.

They do not print a programme, that I know.

The caste is large. There isn’t any plot.

The acting of the piece is far below

The very worst of modernistic rot.

The only part about it I enjoy

Is what was called in English the Foyay.

There will I stand apart awhile and toy

With thought, and set my cigarette alight;

And then—without returning to the play—

On with my coat and out into the night.

The Early Morning

The moon on the one hand, the dawn on the other:

The moon is my sister, the dawn is my brother.

The moon on my left and the dawn on my right.

My brother, good morning: my sister, good night.