Smart Takes Aim at Little Tikes Cozy Coupe

Pictured to the right is the Smart ForTwo car. Smart isn't an editorial adjective of my choosing; rather "Smart" is the name of the manufacturer, a subsidiary of Daimler. These just started to go on sale state-side in January, and they are beginning to show up in traffic with some regularity, at least out here in the Land of Fruits and Nuts.

It looks small in the picture, but when observed on the road, it seems even smaller. A Mini Cooper or Toyota Yaris will dwarf this vehicle. Side by side with the Smart car, something as big as a PT Cruiser will look like a Hummer, or a yacht.

As unique as this car is, there is something undeniably familiar about it. The slope of the roof-line, the mis-proportion of the size of the wheels to the body - we've seen this before. Many, many times in fact. It is obvious upon closer inspection that the would-be breakthrough design queues of the ForTwo are heavily inspired by none other than the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe. Yes, take a look at the them both, and the resemblance is clear. Stuff a bear in the trunk of the Smart car, and the two are almost identical. Maybe the name can be changed to Grand Cozy Coupe, and instead of dealerships, Daimler can make an arrangement with Wal-Mart to stock these in the section of the store near the swing-sets.

The Cozy Coupe wins the battle for fuel efficiency, with its Flintstones-style propulsion system eliminating the need for fill-ups. The Smart is not nearly as good in this area, and in fact, may disappoint. One would expect Vespa-esque mileage numbers from a such a goofy looking car, but not so. The 2008 EPA numbers for the ForTwo are 33 city, 41 highway. In a recent Car & Driver magazine test, they reported an average of 32 MPG. All of these numbers are comparable to those of my 10-year-old Civic, which incidentally holds five passengers and looks much less like it belongs on the streets of Toon Town.

So the moral of the story is that the ForTwo might not be as smart of a car as it appears, even with rising fuel prices. Maybe some people will actually like it, but my opinion is that the Smart ForTwo, much like soccer, should have just stayed in Europe.

Windhorst

On a sad note, Cleveland Cavaliers beat writer Brian Windhorst isn't well. Readers who came to Brian's blog tonight hoping to find his coverage of the NBA draft were greeted instead by a somber headline "Brian Windhorst recuperating from illness at area hospital". According to the post, Brian's family asks that his readers "keep him in their thoughts".

Now, I'd like to believe that somebody was in a hurry and just forgot to finish the sentence with "and prayers"... but I wouldn't be surprised if that was on purpose. So if you get a chance, just take a little time and, um, ponder the concept of Brian Windhorst. Hopefully he'll be better in time for the random seasons in which people send greetings for no particular reason.

Local Hero Thwarts Neighborhood Parking Bully

Controversy on the cul-de-sac isn't anything new to the headlines. The hotly contested, bi-car-length strip of curb has a sour history of vehicular abuses, and it has in recent times become the center of parking instability and unrest in the troubled Park Grossmont residential district.

Some readers may recall during late 2007 when a GMLH investigative report first brought to light the parking atrocities that had occurred here. Our investigation got results, and an improperly parked SUV was ultimately displaced, following months of oppression. At the time, there was optimism that parking peace was restored, but recently, that optimism has faded.

The trouble occurs during late afternoon, when residents are returning from work to a mostly empty cul-de-sac. In recent weeks, GMLH editors have observed that the owner of a Suburban-type vehicle often arrives first, and does his best to park in the exact center of the parking area. When so positioned, there is no room to park any normal four-wheeled vehicle on either end of the girthy 'burban. A primo parking space is thereby available when a priviledged friend arrives shortly thereafter, and the Suburban is moved back a few feet... unless somebody comes along before then, with determination and a very short wheel-base. This is what you can see happening in the picture above.

To recapitulate, the cul-de-sac region has been long prized by the native motorists. When positioned properly, up to two (2) vehicles may be parked simultaneously on the cul-de-sac with ease. It's proximity to the housing units equates to shorter walks from car to apartment at the mercy of to the vicious raw conditions of the San Diego climate. It's also under the light of the neighborhood security lamp; this provides the peace of mind of knowing that your car will be burgled only by bold, confident and/or very high car thieves.

These advantages aside, it is just like any other section of a street, and the Bari Ct. cul-de-sac has always been available on a first come first serve basis. For now, one resident seems to have found a way to save parking for other members of his household, but tonight, our neighbor with the manuevarable Nissan Versa has taken a stand against parking tyranny.

Talking to Myself About Bad Writing Technique

Q: How come you are writing in this hokey Q&A format?
A: Oh, that's just a gimmick I use when I'm not up to the task of constructing full paragraphs, expressive of coherent thoughts. It distracts the reader from the content's inadequacies.

Q: You do realize that's not your own original idea, right?
A: Of course! Two sports writers prominent amongst my readership do this all the time. It wasn't even my idea to spoof the format. Stole that too.

Q: So, who is supposed to be asking the questions?
A: I guess it's me writing down a conversation with myself. When Terry Pluto does articles like this, it always makes me wonder if he is lonely.

Q: Do you have some sort of problem with Terry Pluto? He's a good guy, and I don't understand where all this animosity is coming from.
A: I'm not sure where it comes from either; I admit that it is unprovoked.

Q: Ok, but you're right. Those Q&A articles are a disgrace.
A: I know! I know! And he's been defiling Northeast Ohio's newspapers with them my whole life! Something should come out of his salary every time he submits one.

Q: Yeah!
A: (chuckling)

Q: (unable to come up with anything, presented with this unexpected conversational stall)
A: So, I went to a Padres game the other night.

Q: Good for you.
A: You should really be ending your sentences with question marks to make this flow better. You're the one with the "Q:" in front. This would be a good time to maybe ask a question about the Padres or something.

Q: Can we switch?
A: I don't think Pluto ever does that... but I guess we can try it.

A: This is weird.
Q: And more difficult than I expected.

A: (clearing throat)
Q: Oh right. Um, so how about those Padres?

A: Well, for one thing, the Padres camouflage alternates are the best jerseys in sports today.
Q: What makes them so great?

A: They are great because they simultaneously promote three things that make life good. This jersey is a threefold physical representation of Catholicism, the US military, and baseball.
Q: Great point. Alright, changing the subject, why hasn't there been any content on this blog lately?

A: That is an excellent question!
Q: And that was not an answer.

A: Yeah, but that wasn't a question. You cheated.
Q: This is getting ugly. Time to wrap it up?

A: Yes.

Happy Birthday Crispin Glover!

Forty-four years ago this day was born Crispin Glover, the actor who brought to life the character George McFly, who gives title to our ramblings.

Back to the Future made a deep impression on my life. Any time I'm walking down the street trying to get somewhere, I wish I had a skateboard on which to latch on to a car going my way. Any time I drive past an empty mall parking lot at night, I can't help but think of Doc Brown and how those Libyans found him.

When I was younger it was all about Marty - the guitar, the skateboard, the life preserver. When I matured I found the meat of the film not in Marty, but in his father. Clumsy, awkward, and unconfident, George McFly is the portrait of inadequacy. He has talent and a moral strength but is afraid of failure. Through the mentoring of his own son, ironically, he faces his fears and triumphs.

Facing life's challenges, I am inspired by George McFly's struggle. At GMLH we strive to open the car door of the world and yell, "hey you, get your damn hands off her!"

Crispin Glover went on to other outstanding performances. I find this video particularly inspiring.

LIVE BLOG POST FROM SAN DIEGO AIRPORT!

With the Pope's visit to the USA, the term "popemobile" is once again working its way into everyday conversation. I have always enjoyed hearing about the popemobile. As far as I know, there are only two figures in history who have demonstrated a consistent ability to maintain “mobile” status for their personal transportation. One of them is the Pope; the other is Batman. Sure, there are other Mobile's out there, like the BookMobile, and the Oscar-Meyer Wiener Hot Dog Mobile. The passengers of these vehicles, though, are either inanimate objects or just anonymous stiffs (with all due respect to librarians). Only the Pope and Batman can shoulder the weight of a Mobile bearing their title. Even the President of the United States doesn’t roll in a Mobile, although I think that the public would be accepting of a "George W-Mobile" to replace Air Force One.

Tampa Bay

Those who follow baseball may have noticed something different about the Tampa Bay organization this season: The "Devil Rays", no longer satisfied with mediocrity, have officially shortened the name of their franchise to just "Rays". Words like "deck chairs" and "Titanic" come to mind, but some people are pretty excited about the change, at least according to a story on the team's website. Reportedly, the name was announced during a big ceremony, attended by thousands, in St. Petersburg. Kevin Costner was there with his band and everything. "We are now the 'Rays' - a beacon that radiates throughout Tampa Bay and across the entire state of Florida," said Stuart Sternberg, the team's principal owner."

This is where there comes to be some cause for concern. When I first heard the name Rays, I was thinking they still had some sort of fish as their mascot. It seems unclear exactly what Mr. Steinberg is now referring to when he mentions this "beacon that radiates". From what is known about the Rays organization, it is a troubling development. The Rays shouldn't be allowed to have a radiating beacon. The Governor should do everything he can to stop the radiation from contaminating his entire state, and pursue national relief particularly for the Tampa Bay region.

The Devil Rays placed last in their division in each of the past three seasons, and so with the new name, the Rays are now just two letters away from being exactly like the Royals. Maybe someone is trying to secretly clone the Royals. If, in the near future, there is some announcement about how Tampa Bay is going to be called the O'Rays, we will know.