Thank you for your patience

Here at GMLH, we are working to build a better tomorrow for you the reader. In our efforts to serve you better, we have recently acquired cutting-edge blogging hardware that promises to raise overall blog quality in the long-term. The current lag in content will soon pass as we deal with our tech upgrade. Our editors have also been slowed by recent acquisitions of improved variations on Cap'n Morgan's Spiced Rum, which has been known to have detrimental effects on blog production. Our staff has been working to resolve both of these issues (consuming the rum, and integrating the new technology) simultaneously, which as it turned out, was not the best approach. Considerable progress has been made though, so just be patient, maybe re-read the movie review, and check back later.

Movie Review: Live Free or Die Hard

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD: PERHAPS ONE OF THE BEST "DIE HARD" MOVIES YET!


I attended a showing of Live Free or Die Hard this last Friday night. Of all the Die Hards there have been, this one is by far the most recent. Here are some points of interest about the movie:

• Previews: One movie worth mentioning stars The Rock as a pro-football QB. Following a surprise visit from the young daughter he never knew he had, he needs to adapt his lifestyle to accommodate the kid. Hijinks ensues. There is one particular fact about this preview that struck me as peculiar: Rock's little girl's name is Peyton (I don't know if it's spelled that way but it should be). Will there be a scene where "Peyton" misbehaves and Bill Belichick happens to show up to bend "Peyton" over his knee and administer a spanking? We will have to wait and see, but in a movie about pro football and quarterbacks, "Peyton" is an interesting choice of name for a bratty little girl.

• Commercials: There is a great anti-drug commercial running before the previews in theatres lately. Please follow the link and watch it - I think you will really like it.
  
  
• Villain-to-Hero Drastic Disparity in Marksmanship: A phenomenon commonly found in movies of this genre is present again in Live Free or Die Hard. McClane rolls a fire extinguisher down a hallway and shoots at it to deter some villains with the explosion. He nails a hostile aircraft with a disruptive jet of water by breaking a fire hydrant at just the right moment, and finishes the chopper off later by catapulting his car into it. He even fires a weapon held in someone else's hand, through his own shoulder backward, survives and gets the kill behind him. The villains, for their part, have no luck. At one point, they are firing a heavy-duty machine gun at McClane's stationary car from about 15 feet away. McClane survives by ducking. "Duck", he instructs his sidekick, who takes heed and survives.
  
  
• Prolonged Scene Depicting Bruce Willis Beating Up a Woman 1/2 His Size: What the villains lack in accuracy, they make up with resiliency. There is a long scene in the movie where McClane fights a small woman in fierce, furniture-throwing, glass-breaking, bar-room-brawl, Ultimate-Backyard-Fighting-style combat. It seems absurd already to see Bruce Willis throw a brutal array of haymakers at a Lucy Liu-sized woman, but then the movie forces us to accept that she is able to sustain this attack and keep fighting for something like 10 minutes. She just keeps getting up and coming back for more - even after McClane assaults her with an SUV. I'm not sure what to think about the whole thing.
  
  
  Also worth mentioning, the personification of a Macintosh computer co-stars with Bruce Willis in this movie. I don't care for the guy's work. Never have. His characters annoy me. I've always used PC's and have no real complaints. So, going in I was afraid that he would drag this movie down, but he doesn't. He was a nice fit for his role in Live Free or Die Hard. Unlike the Mac commercials, the movie never condoned his annoying little attitude, rather his whole personality seemed meant to contrast and accentuate Bruce Willis' tough guy shtick. Much to my disappointment though, the PC never makes an appearance.

Live Free or Die Hard will probably insult your intellect: The action sequences are impossible, the villain is a ridiculously evil jerk, the script is just silly, and all law enforcement other than John McClane is slow and/or incompetent. But we should expect these things in a mindless action movie, and appreciated as such, Live Free or Die Hard is worth watching. If you're bored.

** 1/2

Michigan is a Crazy Place

There are lots of crazy things happening in Michigan these days.

A Michigan woman is suing the candy company, Mars Inc., for around $25,000 because Starburst candies injured her jaw. "I don't know, maybe about 3 chews and it literally locked my jaw … and it just literally pulled my jaw out of joint" (here's the story).

Team Heads to Michigan to Search for Bigfoot.

Grand Rapids - A 72 year old former marine beats up a pickpocket.

Last but not least - a few weeks ago, a guy in a wheelchair got his wheelchair handles stuck in the grill of a semi and the truck unknowingly took the man for a ride down the highway. I was glad to hear the man was not hurt, and I was also glad to hear there's a town in Michigan named Paw Paw. (story)

The price is wrong, Bob

I saw this story linked on Drudge and recognized that it would be significant to my readers. There has been a bill proposed in the state of California to require the sterilization of dogs and cats, except in the cases of licensed breeders of purebreds. Here are some notable facts about the bill:

1) It is supported by the formidable triumvirate of Pamela Anderson, Bob Barker, and Lionel Richie.

2) The Governater has yet to declare his opinion of the bill. There are two Schwarzenegger dogs: Sarge and Spunky. According to the story, "press secretary Aaron McLear declined to say whether the pets were neutered - 'out of respect' for the dogs". Oh yes, of course. Good answer. How rude of us to intrude upon the dignity of one such as Spunky Schwarzenegger, the yellow labrador retriever.

3) Dog/cat-fixing bill sponsor Lloyd Levine has another project on the side, which is to "phase out the incandescent light bulb". In case you haven't already made the connection for yourselves, allow me to point out that if Lloyd Levine succeeds, the scenario pictured below may no longer be possible:

Now Celebrating 2 Months of Literary Excellence

The night of April 26th was a night just like any other in San Diego (clear, 65F, nice), but it was also to be the night George McFly’s Left Hook published the first of many posts. “Is this thing on?”, was the question posed to anyone who would listen. “Yes” came the reply from an anonymous blog commenter. Yes indeed; this thing was on. Fast forward some two full months, and George McFly’s Left Hook is most definitely still on. The blog has exploded in just two months to reach literally tens of readers across the country… and overseas. What do people have to say about this blog?

They love it.

Just ask our friend Rodrigo, coming all the way from Lisbon, Portugal, who raves “Oi, I found yours blog for google tá well interesting I liked this post.”

Such words as these are exactly the reason why any writer ever bothers to pick up a pen. It is a thrilling experience to publish one’s best thoughts and later come to learn that a reader on the other side of the world, a person you have never met, finds yours blog for google well interesting. There are times when writers can't help but question themselves, pondering if the late night hours spent pouring over Google images for a picture of a big bear were truly worthwhile, but the knowledge of even just one happy reader like Rodrigo out there quickly reverses these doubts; that’s not just a picture of a big bear. That is time well spent.

So here's to all the Rodrigos in the world. I will do my best to keep it well interesting.

Career Opportunities: Bear Management Specialist

A big bear was captured in Montana recently (STORY). According to Mike Madel, bear management specialist (ATTENTION NEW GRADS: CAREER OPPORTUNITY!!), it is the "second-largest male grizzly ever recorded in the Northern Rockies Region", which is almost interesting. Furthermore, Mike Madel "wonders" if it was sired by the first largest male grizzly ever recorded in the Northern Rockie Region. "This bear," says Mike, "looked very much like that bear". That settles it; they must be related bears. So whether you are a new grad, or just unhappy with your current job and looking for something to better fit your personality, please consider an exciting career in the field of bear management. If it doesn't work out immediately, be patient: Mike Madel had been "managing bears" for 24 years before his big break. With hard work and dedication, you could one day join history as the captor of the third largest left-handed grizzly ever recorded in the Central Montana Tri-County area.

Book Review

The book for review this week is The Diary of a Country Priest, written by Georges Bernanos. At first, this one might be a struggle for the reader, particularly the reader of this blog (there are almost no animals mentioned in the story, and resultantly no funny pictures of animals). The Diary of a Country Priest is written in a diary format that takes some getting used to, and the country priest documents a lot of long, one-sided conversations that can be a challenge to follow. A large part of the difficulty comes from the fact that the story takes place in France, and so all of the names and places are French. It is hard enough already to follow a meandering plot in the aforementioned unconventional narrative format, but to make matters worse, here we have the author labeling critical plot elements in French, aka tapping a finger on the apostrophe key and mashing the keyboard with his free hand. There are quite a few different people to remember in this story, sometimes with five-part names like "M. le Cure d'Eutchamps"; resultantly, all the power of the reader's brain might easily be consumed just trying to keep track of the proper nouns. To me, this meant that while reading this book I often had no idea where, geographically, the country priest was, or who he was talking to.

After that last admission, I pause to ask the reader: Why are you continuing to read this review anyway? And, while paused, I have to tell some of my other readers that if they didn't have any problems with the French when they read it that's just great, but it does not mean I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or that I'm particularly slow.

So a helpful tip for the reader is to make mental associations fitting to those characters with unpronounceable names. These associations allow the reader to keep better track of the story line and follow character development. For instance, when seeing a combination of letters like "Mme Pegriot'll", the reader should condition himself to think "Tony Parker". This memory aid exercise will not only give the reader the ability to comprehend the existing story, but may in certain cases actually add interesting new elements to the plot, as the whole set of conversations and descriptions of a particular character will now be attributed by the mind to the Spur's point guard.

French-ness aside, The Diary of a Country Priest is a very good book. In summary, it will require perseverance and a strong memory, but it is a worthwhile read.

Rating: three stars.