Facebook

Facebook, in its great wisdom, requires that members first establish actual personal communication with other members before being awarded privileged access to member profiles. Until the step of requesting or confirming friendship is taken, facebook members will have only four options for interaction with those whom are not officially befriended. The options are as follows:

1) Send message.
2) Poke him/her!
3) View friends.
4) Add to friends

If there are to be only four options, then three of these options make good sense. By sending messages and viewing friends (options 1 and 2) one may learn more about the party being considered for facebook-friendship before before proceeding to option 4 and adding them as friends with access to your full profile.

It is unclear what "Poke" is supposed to mean, though. Images of the Pillsbury Doughboy come to mind. At the very best, it is a poor choice of word. Why then, is poking given such a place of honor by the administration of facebook? They emphasize the poke option with an exclamation point. "Poke (your friend's fiance)!". Facebook seems to be arguing that given your four available choices, the poke is the most recommendable.

Considering that the poke's mere existence is puzzling, why is it one of the only actions allowed to be made between facebook non-friends? If someone is uncomfortable having another view such information as their relationship status and birth date, would it not follow that a poke! would come as unwelcome? "I met this unsavory person yesterday, and now they want to be facebook friends with me. I don't think I'll let them... Oh wait! I just got poked! That really changes things".

To these, and all questions about poking, facebook's official explanation must suffice: "A poke is a way to interact with your friends on Facebook. When we created the poke, we thought it would be cool to have a feature without any specific purpose. People interpret the poke in many different ways, and we encourage you to come up with your own meanings".

Christmas Shopping

I'll take three.

I wanna Transformer for Christmas!

Fact: Robots sell. Pictured to the right is the "Transformers" merchandise section of an otherwise well-stocked Target toy department. A lot of empty racks to be seen. There are plenty of "Pirates of the Caribbean" figurines if you need any, but the problem with those is that they have nothing to do with robots, and are therefore not nearly as cool.

Movie Review of the Week: "I Am Legend"

One of the nice things about Christmas is that we get to spend time with loved ones we don't often see. The hours with them always seem to fly by like minutes as stories are shared and lost time together is made up for. After a while though, the conversation does eventually slow, and loved ones start dropping off; some disappear to the bathroom, while others begin to snoop around the host loved one's kitchen for snacks. The TV inevitably goes on and people enter into the early stages of napping.

Precious holiday moments intended to be savored with loved ones are suddenly threatening to diminish into boredom, naps and TV. This is when the host should suggest that everyone go out to see a movie.

The question now becomes, "Which movie to see?". To which, the answer is, "Huh?". And the question is now rephrased more properly, "What movie should we go see?". To help answer this question, I have screened a movie for review.

The movie is "I Am Legend". It has been quite a winner at the box office and when you think about it, this should be no surprise because "I Am Legend" combines two crucial ingredients for quality cinema:

A: Will Smith

B: A professional acting German Shepherd

The premise of the movie is that a virus swept the earth and turned 90% of the population into what I will call rabid zombies. The zombies' favorite pastime is attacking the remaining 10%. Will Smith is immune to the virus, and suspects that he is the only one left on earth after years of zombie attacks. He fills his days searching for survivors and also attempting to develop a cure to zombie rabies. Disappointingly, at no point does he consider organizing a 5k Fun Run for zombie rabies awareness.

This is a violent, suspenseful movie, so do not attend if you are expecting a heart-warming holiday classic for the whole family. I myself was reeled in by the promising trailer for "I Am Legend" in which viewers are flashed an image of a German Shepherd running alongside Will Smith on a treadmill. Intriguing behavior from a German Shepherd; if the dog can run on a treadmill, they could certainly train it to accompany Will Smith rapping during the closing credits, and so it is safe to say that the preview left me wanting more.

"I Am Legend" doesn't disappoint, with regards to canine content. The German Shepherd "Sam", played by "Abbey", has a key role in this one, and is magnificent. She has earned herself a "Best Actress" nomination this year, or at least some Beggin' Strips or Pupperoni.

This may seem premature, but my review is drawing near an end. Most of my notes from the movie pertain to Sam, I'm afraid. Seems I was a little preoccupied with the fact that there was a doggy onscreen, and a lot of the finer points of the film may have escaped me. As best as I can recall, "I Am Legend" was a pretty good movie though, dog or no dog. I give it two stars.

"The cow and the bear shall be neighbors"

(Isaiah 11:7)

Regarding Shorts and the NBA

In America today, football has reached such a height of popularity that faithful allegiance to an NFL franchise is perceived as not only normal, but almost a virtue which one might brag about. It is no longer just "OK" to spend a couple hours watching football on Sunday, rather it may be something expected of a normal, healthy adult. In contrast, the NBA fan is treated with a reaction of polite curiosity, such as might be given to a pronounced model railroading enthusiast.

These are hard times for the NBA. It has many objectionable attributes that turn normal people away and continuously discourage their return. And so today, when a league very close to my heart is in the midst of the blackest of times, it seems appropriate to take a moment and try to say something nice about the NBA. Like, for example, think of what shorts would be like today in a world where the NBA never happened. Go find some family photography from 1991, and you will get to remember what your uncle's bare upper thighs looked like. The truth isn't pretty, but fortunately sometime roughly during the early nineties basketball players started wearing baggy shorts. You should be able to remember that during that time you were sitting on the couch, wearing what could be described as Daisy Dukes by today's standards, and rooting against the unruly Michigan Wolverines and their baggy trousers. Fact is, people from all walks of life wore short-shorts all the time back then, and thought nothing of it. Eventually, somebody from the NBA was to come along and suggest a better way; the world would change for the better.

Right now you might be saying, "George, the Michigan Wolverines were not in the NBA", which is an excellent point. The "Fab Five" Michigan recruiting class may be suggested by some to have invented baggy shorts. I do not hold this to be the case. The Wolverines were responsible for mainstreaming the concept in collegiate basketball, but they introduced a trend existing previously elsewhere and were not the first to wear baggy shorts. If credit must be given to the Wolverines, it arguably goes to their assistant coach Brian Dutcher, an unsung hero who made the courageous decision to lengthen the shorts. It was a shrewd maneuver to appease the prized freshmen, at the expense of the disapproval of many in the public. According to Fab Five historian Mitch Albom, the following conversation took place between Dutcher and the team's equipment manager:

"Hey, Bob. When you order this year's uniforms, get an extra four inches on the shorts, OK?"

"An extra four inches?"

"Yeah."

"On the shorts?"

"Right."

"If you say so."

As much trouble as this would bring to the team, the players had already recognized that baggy shorts are superior to short shorts, and were merely happy to be emulating a man who had blazed the path before them - that man is, of course, Michael Jordan.

Yes, from my research, I conclude that if any lone figure in history may be credited with the success of the shorts revolution of the early nineties, it has to be Michael Jordan, and he gained that credit while in the NBA. He never would have needed to don the baggy shorts when he was in college, because it was not until the pros that he wanted baggier shorts to fit over his favorite North Carolina college shorts. This is confirmed in Micheal Jordan and Bugs Bunny's cinematic triumph, "Space Jam", as follows:

Scene: [Michael Jordan needs someone to get his basketball gear]

Michael Jordan: Don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy Duck: Your shorts? From college?

Michael Jordan: I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Looney Toones characters in unison: Eeewwww!

Michael Jordan: I washed them after every game!

Looney Toones characters in unison: Yeah, okay.

Michael Jordan: I did!

Michael wore baggy shorts - in the NBA - and was the first to do so. I guess that's my point. Thus concludes my term paper about shorts. Anyone out there who is struggling through final semester exams, feel free to print this off and hand it in. Just add your name, and a title, like "On the Nature of Shorts".

2007 Christmas Gift Guide

Don't look now, but the holidays are upon us, and you've got just one month left to check everybody off on your gift list. It can be a stressful time of the year, but a little planning can save you a lot of trouble. My helpful tip for shoppers this year is simple: Don't get gifts for anybody. It will save money and time, and if anyone dare question it, they are walking right into a self-righteous ambush. Here's how it goes:

YOU: So this year, I'm not getting any gifts for people.

VICTIM: I like gifts! You are a bad person. You are selfish and thoughtless not to participate in our annual gift card exchange ritual!

YOU: Oh, I guess I'm just too mature and classy and good to really care about stuff like that. I'm above it, if you will. Not like you.

VICTIM: What?! I'm not materialistic! You're wrong... er... The Three Kings... Saint Nicholas... presents are good!

YOU: Hey, I've got an idea: You "people of the world" love your television sets right? Maybe you should watch a program called "A Charlie Brown Christmas", and start to undertand the way I see it. Do they still show that one?

VICTIM: You win! You are a better person than me and a genius and you don't have to buy presents for anybody.

YOU: I know.

Yes, this debate will always result in overwhelming victory for the anti-gift-exchange party, and then you get to take all that extra $$$ you've saved and indulge yourself! With this in mind, I've assembled my 2007 Christmas Gift Guide, with some items I might buy for my own enjoyment.

SPY VIDEO CAR:

You cannot go wrong with r/c cars. They are forever, like diamonds. These days, Wild Planet is adding a new twist to the r/c car with the Spy Video Car, a part of its Spy Gear collection. It is a radio controlled car with a camera mounted on it. The obvious benefit of this arrangement, as the packaging proudly proclaims, is the ability to "SPY on COOL STUFF in other places!" That is basically what the CIA does, and now you can too. The images collected by the car's camera are viewed in a small, head-mounted screen over the operator's eye "[b]ecause plain-sight video monitors are not acceptable in the spy world", according to the manufacturer. The Spy Car can be used to conduct covert missions "[f]rom the safety of your spy headquarters... wherever your video vehicle travels, indoors and out, up to 75 feet away." Apparently, 75 feet is a safe distance "in the spy world". The box also mentions that the car delivers a "COOL BLACK & WHITE VIDEO FEED". Color video feeds are sort of getting old - it was a nice touch by the manufacturer to go the extra mile and get one of these high-tech black-and-white feeds. Next product.


NERF N-STRIKE LONGSHOT CS-6

Sometimes the spy life can get dirty. If the hostiles suffer the misfortune of discovering your Spy Car, then it's all over - for them, not for you because you've got a Longshot. This is serious Nerf firepower. The CS-6 doesn't cut any corners. It has a scope. That's right. Some of you may be wondering what purpose a scope could serve, given your knowledge of the nature of the Nerf ammunition. Well, this is 2007, Nerf's not messing around anymore and the CS-6 has a devastating 35 foot range. This puppy loads with clips. Yup, clips of Nerf darts. They even thought to add a fold-down bi-pod to keep 'er steady. If the fight gets in close, the 3 foot behemoth can be dismantled into a more manageable single-shot sidearm with one-handed operation. It may seem like overkill, but the CS-6 could easily be obsolete next year if the Nerf "Chemical Weapons" product line hits the shelves.

So that should give you some ideas to get started. Remember, cash is kind of the best gift ever.

San Diego Fires

Here's a picture taken this evening from Mt. Helix, just a mile and a half south of the George McFly's Left Hook Headquarters.

This is the "Harris Fire," the smaller of the two big fires in San Diego County, about five miles Southeast of Mt. Helix.

Please pray that the winds continue to weaken and the fires are contained, so that GMLH can continue to to bring you quality analysis of local sports and animal news.

NFL Game of the Week

The Arizona Cardinals will travel to play the Washington Redskins at "FedEx Field" in Landover, MA tomorrow. Considering that the term "mail it in" is commonly used to describe a sub-standard effort, then the news that the Redskins play at "FedEx Field" is a story in and of itself. Anyhow, due to injuries to starter Matt Leinart and backup Kurt Warner, the Cardinals could be relying on their third string QB Tim Rattay and newly signed QB Tim Hasselbeck. Tim Hasselbeck is not only the brother of Seattle's Matt Hasselbeck, but also the spouse of "The View" co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck. As everyone knows, Elizabeth Hasselback has been at the center of some controversies lately over at "The View", and gotten on the wrong side of such dignitaries as Barry Manilow, Rosie O'Donnell, and Whoopie Goldberg.

It is not easy to say who Barry, Rosie and Whoopie will be rooting for. If their dislike for Hasselbeck stems mostly from her relatively conservative opinions, then it is hard to imagine them supporting the Washington "Redskins" either. Maybe they will have to root for Washington, but take great care to refer to them only as the "Washington First Nations People".

I don't think that "The View" should ever cross paths with the NFL. Hopefully Kurt Warner will recover in time to make the start at quarterback so we can avoid this whole ugly situation.

Browns Superbowl Prediction

The Cleveland Indians are a single win away from the World Series. Should they advance, they will meet the Colorado Rockies for the championship. The Rockies have won 21 of their last 22 games and are looking pretty tough. It is entirely possible then, that the Indians could advance to the World Series and lose all four games to the Rockies.

Earlier this year, the Cleveland Cavs were swept in four games by the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA Finals, so if the Indians get swept, then Cleveland teams will have appeared in a remarkable 8 professional championship games - during a span of just months - without winning any of them.

Furthermore, if you are a college grad in Cleveland then you probably went to Ohio State, and so most Cleveland sports fans pledge their allegiance to OSU. This is interesting, because during 2007 Ohio State made it to both of the largest college athletic events of the year - the football championship and the basketball championship - and lost.

If the Indians can take one more game from Boston, Cleveland sports fans will have an excellent chance to witness 10 crushing defeats of their favorite teams in less than a year. With any luck, the Browns will catch the fever and get to the Superbowl in January to complete a perfect sports year for Cleveland, losing at each of America's most hyped athletic events.

Quick-Thinking Golden Retriever Saves Woman with Improvised Heimlich Maneuver

This is the closest I've found to a reverse of the scenario in my last post. There are no known accounts online of persons receiving snout-to-mouth resuscitation from dogs. Back in May, so the story goes, a Golden Retriever performed a "modified Heimlich" on a choking woman by pushing her over and jumping up and down on her. As I recall, my family had a dog once who was also familiar with the modified Heimlich. He used to try it out on lots of people when they weren't expecting it. We usually just yelled at him and told him to cut it out, but if we were choking it would have been pretty nice having him around.

By the way, I first found the story listed at "dogsinthenews.com". I am pleased to announce that "dogsinthenews.com" is now an official link from this blog.

Quick-Thinking Police Officer Saves German Shepherd with CPR

LIGONIER, IN: Meet Samo, a member of the Ligonier Police Department's K-9 Unit, who enjoys playing with a tennis ball "to stay active" when he's off duty. This of course raises some questions about the nature of Samo's work with the police department; does Samo have a lot of paperwork to do or something that keeps him from staying active? Is the K-9 unit turning into more of a desk job these days? Does Samo send out emails to "All" with forwarded youtube links and joke lists?

Whatever the answer, it all would have been over for Samo were it not for his quick-thinking partner, Officer Josh Halsey, because while Samo was playing with a tennis ball last Tuesday evening, the unthinkable happened: he swallowed the tennis ball, and began choking.

Fortunately, Halsey found Samo just moments before the dog collapsed. In a Today Show interview, Halsey explains what happened next:

HALSEY: When I get to my police car, I put him on the ground, wondering what's a matter with him. Not breathing, tongue's purple... So I start CPR on him and...

REPORTER: Wait a minute; when you say CPR, do you mean, actually, mouth-to... -nose... resuscitation?

HALSEY: Mouth-to-snout, yes.

End transcript. Halsey is absolutely correct to make a distinction between 'nose' and 'snout', because a snout includes both a nose and a mouth. The experts at pgaa.com say to "place your mouth over the dog's nose and mouth making sure the seal is tight" when performing CPR. Blowing air into a dog's nose alone will accomplish nothing. So don't try it. Especially if the dog is not requiring CPR, and is merely sleeping. That situation is addressed in the first step of the mouth-to-snout procedure listed at veterinarypartner.com:

"Make Certain the Animal is Actually Arrested and Unconscious: Talk to the animal first. Gently touch and attempt to awaken the pet. You could be seriously injured should you attempt to perform CPR on a pet who was only sleeping heavily and was startled awake".

Officer Halsey proved that he did all of his homework during the "Dog Care and Medical Care on Your Canine" portion of the his Canine Academy training, and Samo has recovered. He (Samo) was, in fact, scheduled to return to the office late last week. Samo's inbox must be stuffed after taking sick days, and at this very moment he's probably sorting his way through a bunch of voicemails.

Thanks to the alert reader who brought the story to my attention. Like Isaac Newton, if I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. Which is a way of saying that if I have blogged about a dog who got CPR, or "seen further", it is by standing on the shoulders of large readers who forward the stories to me.

Moose Harass North Dakota

A moose has been caught posing as a member of a herd of cattle. Ernie and Beverly Fischer made the discovery during a roundup Wednesday at their ranch in Cannon Ball, ND. According to the Bismark Tribune, "[t]he moose followed the cattle all over during the roundup until they were brought into the corral". Just recently, the story reports, Sam Gross of Emmons county made a similar discovery of a moose amongst his cattle. So there appears to be a developing trend of moose attempting to infiltrate cattle populations by masquerading as cows. This, by the way, is what makes the papers in Bismark, ND.

The moose has been captured, and is currently being held in custody by the Fischers, but the real struggle will be releasing it. According to the story, Ernie had a "difficult task getting the moose away from the cattle", and he speculates that the moose is "probably going to break some more fences his way off the ranch". The story notes that "[p]roblems can occur when letting a moose go, but most of the time the moose should move on".

That, with all due respect, sounds like wishful thinking. This moose clearly is obsessed with the cattle lifestyle; to the point, as Bev noted, that he actually "thinks he's a cow". The Fischers can't just expect the moose to let all of that go and "move on". Unfortunately for the Fischers though, a moose is a well protected animal in North Dakota, and in fact, there is no moose season in the Cannon Ball area, so we'll just have to hope for the best.

Word of the Day

Today's word is "bead" [beed]; noun. Origin: the 'hood.

First, courtesy of webster's online, we have definition 19): draw or get a bead on, to take careful aim at: The marksman drew a bead on his target.

Now, courtesy of members of the "Way 2 Real" 6'2" and under basketball team we add -

definition 20): in basketball, particularly basketball in the 'hood, the blocking, or rejection of an opponents field goal attempt: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIUUUIIGH Nice bead yo! NICE BEAD!

A Season to Remember About: Installment IV

The Marauders suffered crushing defeat at the hands of "Way 2 Real" on Monday night. Their opponent was, in fact, Way 2 Real - as opposed to the Marauders, who are kind of "real" but with more of a healthy moderation. The game itself was for the most part an unremarkable blowout. The most noteworthy development came during a Marauders' timeout, when Victor announced to the team that he had appointed a coach, and we were to do as the coach said.

I personally enjoyed having a coach. There was no discernible improvement in any aspect of the team's performance, but the coach spoke English as a second language, and his vocabulary had some limits, in which great entertainment value was to be found. For instance, coach divided our team into two player categories:

1) Forwards. It is the job of a forward to "get dee boards"
2) Guards. The guards are the players who get to "bounce dee ball, ok?"

During timeouts, he would use this terminology to lay out the game-plan. Coach wanted me to get the boards, but I assured him that I was both able to get the boards, and bounce the ball - much in the manner Magic Johnson was said to have possessed the ability to do. Coach accepted this - in fact, he embraced it and appointed me "point guard". I later learned from coach that it is among the duties of the point guard to "yell" at the other guards "when they bounce dee ball wrong".

From that moment on, I was on the lookout for instances in which the ball was bounced improperly, fully prepared to yell at the perpetrator. To make a long story short though, the Marauders fell on the losing end of a 50-72 final score. For anyone interested in playing "point guard" for the Marauders in their season finale, it will be on Monday, at 6:30. Bring a blue shirt and $3, and just tell them George sent you.

Meanwhile, in France...

It looks like "Breakin 3" might finally be on the way, but we're going to have to watch it with subtitles – it is taking place in France. According to this story an "urban dance phenomenon has taken hold in Paris". It is a brand of break dancing with its own Frenchy name: "Tecktonik".

Here are the high points from the story:

• Tecktonik, a mix of hip-hop and techno dance, was the talk of this years Paris Techno Parade, the annual dance music street carnival that took place in the French capital last Saturday. Another Paris Techno Parade come and gone and I missed it. I feel so out of the loop now.
• Groups of teenagers were overheard chanting "Tecktonik" as dance-offs took place in the street and the evening news bulletins were full of images and testimony from the leaders of this latest craze.
• "I started to practice at home by looking on the Internet," said Jackie, a 20-year-old regular at the Metropolis who works with young people in a northern suburb of Paris. "It's a real pleasure to dance the whole day," including on the street, he adds.

Chanting mobs, dance-offs in the streets, and now this sketchy Jackie character and his surly attitude. I don’t like any of it. But then there’s this:

• "Dancing has changed me," says Sofian, a 15-year-old from a tough Paris suburb who discovered Tecktonik recently. Before I was on the street. I was at the police station everyday. It's been two or three months now since I did anything stupid."

Two or three months without doing something stupid is pretty good. By the way, below is a youtube clip demonstrating Tecktonik by the iconic Jey-Jey. Start studying it now so that you're ready in time for the weekend. When you're at the club and this song comes on, you will know exactly what moves to do.

Brees charged in hamster gambling ring

New Orleans Saint Drew Brees is the latest NFL QB nabbed by the Feds.
The FBI charged Brees with masterminding a ruthless rodent racing operation in which his friends gambled on specially-trained hamsters.
Agents who raided Brees' estate discovered a breeding operation in his laundry room. There, hamsters were fed diets high in protein and were encouraged to run on spinning wheels, then forced to race on little bitty racetracks as spectators bet on the outcome.
Hamsters unable to run fast enough for Brees' pari-mutuel needs were routinely set free in the front yard, where they were typically caught within minutes by a roaming neighborhood cat named Buzzy.
"This Brees character is one cold-hearted bastard," says FBI spokesman Mick M. House. "He bred these hamsters for his entertainment, pure and simple. He didn't care about how cute and cuddly they are, or how sweet they look when they wiggle their little noses."

The above is not my work but came from a publication called 225 out of Baton Rouge. Yes, it is cheap but I'm slowly getting warmed up to this new fangled "blogging."

That's Outrageous!

Nincompoop Doesn't Know How to Park: For most residents at Park Grossmont Estates in La Mesa, parking is simple and easy. There are always exceptions though. In this case, the owner of a late-model, black Ford Explorer just doesn't get it. There are two (2) prime parking spaces on the left side of the Bari Ct cul-de-sac. This nit-wit is occupying both of them.

Each unit at the Park Grossmont complex gets one reserved parking spot, and it is a difficult situation for every household in possession of multiple vehicles. The cul-de-sac spots are important because they are almost as close to the building as the reserved spots, and therefore the first choice for street parking. It becomes urgently necessary, out of consideration for the neighbors, to make the most efficient use of the cul-de-sac spaces possible. The grey Honda Civic pictured at bottom (to the left of the happy face) provides a fine example of the correct parking method.

Well, we've only got five (5) good cul-de-sac spots to use, and this yahoo is using two (2) of them.

Everyone makes mistakes, and it is understandable how the driver might have somehow misjudged the parking distance while in a hurry. Maybe it was night-time, and he/she (who are we kidding; we all know it's got to be a 'she') is uncomfortable without a parking spotter. There is more to this story however, and it gets worse. That Explorer has been parked there for weeks now. Cobwebs are growing off the bumper.

Happily, justice appears to be on the way. Some type of document has been placed beneath the wiper blade. It is most likely a parking ticket. Hopefully the ticket carries a penalty demanding that the Explorer be impounded and sent to a recycling facility where it can be turned into toilet paper, with which we can all do as we deem fit.

On the bright side, all of this has presented to me an occasion to pay tribute to my favorite Reader's Digest regular feature, "That's Outrageous!". I have always been fond of the whole concept behind "That's Outrageous!", and I like to think that it has been instrumental in my formation as a writer and a person, which is a huge compliment as you can see. It looks like this blog is going to be a great venue for my own personal version of "That's Outrageous!".

A Season to Remember About: Installment III

MARAUDERS FALL TO 1-5 IN BACK-AND-FORTH BATTLE

SAN DIEGO, CA (turns out all of the games are in San Diego; team doesn't travel apparently): It was an emotional game of ups and downs, but the result was a famliar one for the Marauders: disappointing defeat. The final score of 42-103 doesn't really tell the whole story, as the Marauders kept it close for most of the first 5 minutes. Right about at the five minute mark SD JAMMIN's fifth player arrived and the Marauders started to lose control of the game.

The Marauder's made an impressive first strike by disqualifying two of SD JAMMIN's players just before tip-off (one of them was WAY over 6'2" and the other was about 15 years old). This shrewd maneuver brought SD JAMMIN's roster down to just four players, and helped the Marauders stay in the game early, playing five against four.

League-leading scorer "Roman" finally arrived about 4 minutes into the game, hurriedly put his shoes on amidst urgent cries from SD JAMMIN, and then proceeded to escort his team to a commanding 20 point half-time lead.

To their credit, SD JAMMIN had their heart in the game till the final buzzer sounded, and never lost focus. It is a rare spectacle nowadays to see rec-league teams run such effective full-court presses. Especially when they are carrying 30+ point leads, as SD JAMMIN did. Some in attendance speculate that SD JAMMIN turned up the intensity late in the first half. At that point, trailing by 20, Marauders leading scorer Phil performed a perfectly executed, AND1-style klowning against aforementioned SD JAMMIN star Roman. Phil accomplished this by scooping the ball past Roman's right shoulder, and then running around his left to retrieve the ball on the other side. While a crowd pleaser at the time, one can imagine that this was a hurtful and emotionally difficult event for Roman. It is easy to see how a team such as SD JAMMIN might be able to use something like this for motivation. Or perhaps they are just classy competitors who believe they are doing themselves and their opponents a disservice by not giving it all they've got for 40 full minutes regardless of the score.

Whatever the reason, the Marauders' win-streak has been broken, and many are again looking for a winning solution. Following the game, power-forward Victor suggested that the Marauders should hold practices. Please see my response below:

LaGeorge

My apologies for the lack of content on the blog. I have been busy all summer doing research for my novel. My novel is going to be an autobiographical sort of thing about this guy who moves to California and plays basketball and drinks a lot. There will be some embellishing, though. For instance, in the novel the guy will be able to dunk - and not just normal dunks. We're talking reverse, two-handed, backboard shattering jams. It should be a pretty good book, hopefully available in time for Christmas. Some Christmas, but not this Christmas.

In the meantime, I'll let ESPN's Bill Simmons, aka "The Sports Guy", provide the blog material. Please enjoy this from his NFL preview today:

"Random note: The recent trend of successful athletes with conventional first names that start with "La" -- like LaMarcus Aldridge and LaRon Landry -- has me more excited than ever to name my first son "LaBill Simmons." My wife is less excited."

Helpful decorating tips

One of the best things about air travel is the "SkyMall" catalog. Located in the seat pocket in front of you, this catalog always presents a fascinating collection of products. A hot new item that they are offering these days is the Hardwood Hideaway. "Solid hardwood dog kennel doubles as a sophisticated end table!" The Hardwood Hideaway, pictured right, will add "style and class to your home", explains SkyMall. In case you were wondering, the Hardwood Hideaway does function as a nightstand as well.

If you plan to buy the Hardwood Hideaway, then you are going to need a few cans of Poop Freeze, also available from SkyMall. This item may be found by going to www.skymall.com and searching the site for the term "poop". Here is the product description:

"Poop Freeze is an easy, earth-friendly way to do your 'dooty' and clean up after your dog. It chills animal waste to -62°F, creating an outer 'crust' that enables you to quickly place in a bag and dispose. Makes picking up loose stool and diarrhea easier. Effective for all kinds of pets, including dogs, cats, birds, etc. Indoor or outdoor use. Safe for humans and pets when used as directed."

It is safe for humans and pets! Who needs indoor plumbing then, right? Thanks to SkyMall, you can lock your golden retriever inside the nightstand, and then poop on the carpet, all the while adding sophistication and class to your home.

A Season to Remember About: Installment II

Disappointment: PB Ballers 75ish - Marauders 50 or so

San Diego, CA: The third time was not a charm for the Marauders, as the losses just keep on coming in the BOSS 6'2" and Under Men's Basketball league. The PB Ballers easily overcame a variety of zone defenses, and the Marauders could not keep up with prolific scorer Jeff Pucci. As matter of fact, the Marauders are still not sure exactly which one of the PB Ballers was actually Jeff Pucci. Says utility reserve guard shipping + receiving manager Gary "Last week they had this short guy with a crew-cut, and I figured that guy had to be Pucci, but he's not here this week".

While the point total improves on their last game's paltry 26, Maruaders fans shouldn't put too much hope in that statistic. As power forward/assistant coach Luis puts it "In the second half they were just (putting forth less than a full, sincere effort) around with us".

There could be a long list of reasons for why the Marauders are struggling to win games: inexperience, lack of chemistry, uniforms identical to opponents', Caucasian grandparents at guard spots matched against college kids from a certain ethnic background considered to have a genetic athletic advantage - all of these factors have been adding up to lop-sided defeat. As the Marauder's beat writer, my conclusion is that the biggest concern is mismanagement of talent. Certain players best suited for particular tasks are not performing those tasks enough, and instead other players not as well suited are performing those tasks more. For example, I am a good scorer. The rest of the team is not good at scoring. The solution is that I should stop passing the ball to the less capable teammates, and try to shoot more. Furthermore, I have proven to be the only Marauder who, on a consistent basis, is capable of dribbling the ball across the court in the presence of defenders and then passing to an open teammate. The intelligent thing for the Marauder's to do is to designate all ball-handling activities to me.

These changes ought to be made for the Marauders from the top. Under the current system, the coaching staff consists loosely of two guys named "Luis". The best case scenario would be an official coaching switch, wherein I take the place of both Luises. It may be difficult to explain the benefits of this to the Luises and the rest of the team though (I don't think they read the blog), so the next best alternative is for me to implement the changes from the floor without "running it by" the team first per se.

Marauder's fans might have reason to look forward to Monday night's showdown with Kappa Alpha. The changes should go well, and if nothing else, will lead to an interesting blog entry next week.

Scrumptulescent

Sources tell us that the term "ginormous" is now recognized officially as a word. Webster's online defines ginormous as "simply huge; extremely large". Note that it can also be used as an adverb, "ginormously". An example of "ginormous" in a sentence would go like, "The bear management specialists captured a very ginormous bear."

In Animal News...

Thanks to alert reader Reggie Cleveland for forwarding a story with the headline "Zoo's Outback train kills kangaroo on tracks". Basically, there is a train running through the "Australian Adventure" area, aka the kangaroo pen, of the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. Why the zoo's management felt it was prudent to install a railroad in the kangaroo habitat is anyone's guess, but believe it or not, this train has a history of kangaroo collisions. Five of them in fact, the latest resulting in a 'roo fatality.

The story does not end there however, because now PETA wants the zoo fined for the kangaroo death. According to the story "PETA is asking the U.S. Department of Agriculture to levy "harsh penalties" against the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo".

The story continues: "The corpse flower isn't the only thing that stinks at the Cleveland Zoo. How many more animals have to suffer and die before the zoo is forced to clean up its act?" says PETA Director Debbie Leahy. "The zoo had five chances to save another kangaroo from being hurt but did nothing for seven years. The USDA must investigate and assess all appropriate penalties and fines."

In May, a female wolf was killed by other members of her pack. In 2005, three Wallabies died after eating a corpse flower, a toxic plant that was placed in their enclosure by a zoo employee; a Grant's zebra died from a ruptured aorta after being kicked by another zebra; and a gorilla died after he was anesthetized for an examination. In 2003, a lion died after being attacked by another lion.

As a commenter about 8 comments below the article notes: "Those zoo keepers should have seen that zebra planning the attack on the other zebra, it was so obvious."

When this whole kangaroo/train saga first came to my attention, I refrained from publishing it "out of respect" for the kangaroos, you could say. As alert reader Reggie Cleveland points out though, "Once PETA gets involved, anything's fair game". Pun intended.

Please Use Can Openers

The FDA was in the news recently with this release:

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to eat 10 ounce cans of Castleberry’s Hot Dog Chili Sauce (UPC 3030000101), Austex Hot Dog Chili Sauce (UPC 3030099533), and Kroger Hot Dog Chili Sauce (UPC 1111083942) with “best by” dates from April 30, 2009 through May 22, 2009 due to possible botulism contamination. Botulism can be fatal. The “best by dates” can be found on the can lids.

It is unclear as to whether it would be safe to eat the Hot Dog Chili Sauce after removing it from the cans. One tends to believe that it will always be hazardous to "eat 10 ounce cans", regardless of the contents. In any case, it might be in everyone's best interest to eat less Hot Dog Chili Sauce, botulism or no botulism.

If You Can't Beat the System... Break It!

MOVIE REVIEW: BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

You will have to work to find your copy of this week's movie for review. However, "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" is worth searching for. I've never actually seen "Breakin' 1", but the important thing is that Lucinda Dickey, Adolfo "Shabba Doo" Quinones and Michael "Boogaloo Shrimp" Chambers were all able to make it back to star in the sequel.

Early on we are introduced (reintroduced?) to two enthusiastic break dancing youths named Ozone and Turbo. Ozone and Turbo love to dance, and they dress just like Michael Jackson does, so of course they are two very cool guys. Much of the plot (there are only about 4 minutes of total plot, so take that for what it is) centers on the relationship between Ozone and leading lady Kelly. Kelly looks like Mary Lou Retton, and is on the fast track to a promising career in theatre. She comes from wealth, and her parents spend most of their time sitting around a pool, as wealthy people love to do, plotting and scheming on how to convince their daughter to spend less time with Ozone and Turbo, whom they hold in low regard.

As if Kelly's pressures at home weren't enough, back in Ozone's neighborhood a developer wants to build a shopping center on the site of a beloved community center where the break dancing community tends to gather. I suppose that it goes without saying that the developer is an evil developer. Everyone knows by now that developers are the scourge of civilization.

Can Kelly, Ozone, and Turbo save the community center? Will Kelly's parents learn to accept her friends? I won't give you the answer - you have to watch for yourselves - but I will tell you that the answer involves a cameo by Ice-T.

Mahatma Culpepper

The Miami Dolphins released quarterback Daunte Culpepper on Monday. The Dolphins owed $51.5 million on his contract, but he demanded to be released. Here is an excerpt from an AP story wherein Daunte discusses the situation:

"As I was going through this process I heard about a quote by Gandhi that best expresses my thoughts about this victory: 'First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win,"' Culpepper, who serves as his own agent, said in an e-mail. "Now that I have won my freedom and I get to choose my next team, I am just like many other people who have to go out and find employment so that I can take care of my family."

Very insightful. Especially the "then they ridicule you" part.

Thank you for your patience

Here at GMLH, we are working to build a better tomorrow for you the reader. In our efforts to serve you better, we have recently acquired cutting-edge blogging hardware that promises to raise overall blog quality in the long-term. The current lag in content will soon pass as we deal with our tech upgrade. Our editors have also been slowed by recent acquisitions of improved variations on Cap'n Morgan's Spiced Rum, which has been known to have detrimental effects on blog production. Our staff has been working to resolve both of these issues (consuming the rum, and integrating the new technology) simultaneously, which as it turned out, was not the best approach. Considerable progress has been made though, so just be patient, maybe re-read the movie review, and check back later.

Movie Review: Live Free or Die Hard

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD: PERHAPS ONE OF THE BEST "DIE HARD" MOVIES YET!


I attended a showing of Live Free or Die Hard this last Friday night. Of all the Die Hards there have been, this one is by far the most recent. Here are some points of interest about the movie:

• Previews: One movie worth mentioning stars The Rock as a pro-football QB. Following a surprise visit from the young daughter he never knew he had, he needs to adapt his lifestyle to accommodate the kid. Hijinks ensues. There is one particular fact about this preview that struck me as peculiar: Rock's little girl's name is Peyton (I don't know if it's spelled that way but it should be). Will there be a scene where "Peyton" misbehaves and Bill Belichick happens to show up to bend "Peyton" over his knee and administer a spanking? We will have to wait and see, but in a movie about pro football and quarterbacks, "Peyton" is an interesting choice of name for a bratty little girl.

• Commercials: There is a great anti-drug commercial running before the previews in theatres lately. Please follow the link and watch it - I think you will really like it.
  
  
• Villain-to-Hero Drastic Disparity in Marksmanship: A phenomenon commonly found in movies of this genre is present again in Live Free or Die Hard. McClane rolls a fire extinguisher down a hallway and shoots at it to deter some villains with the explosion. He nails a hostile aircraft with a disruptive jet of water by breaking a fire hydrant at just the right moment, and finishes the chopper off later by catapulting his car into it. He even fires a weapon held in someone else's hand, through his own shoulder backward, survives and gets the kill behind him. The villains, for their part, have no luck. At one point, they are firing a heavy-duty machine gun at McClane's stationary car from about 15 feet away. McClane survives by ducking. "Duck", he instructs his sidekick, who takes heed and survives.
  
  
• Prolonged Scene Depicting Bruce Willis Beating Up a Woman 1/2 His Size: What the villains lack in accuracy, they make up with resiliency. There is a long scene in the movie where McClane fights a small woman in fierce, furniture-throwing, glass-breaking, bar-room-brawl, Ultimate-Backyard-Fighting-style combat. It seems absurd already to see Bruce Willis throw a brutal array of haymakers at a Lucy Liu-sized woman, but then the movie forces us to accept that she is able to sustain this attack and keep fighting for something like 10 minutes. She just keeps getting up and coming back for more - even after McClane assaults her with an SUV. I'm not sure what to think about the whole thing.
  
  
  Also worth mentioning, the personification of a Macintosh computer co-stars with Bruce Willis in this movie. I don't care for the guy's work. Never have. His characters annoy me. I've always used PC's and have no real complaints. So, going in I was afraid that he would drag this movie down, but he doesn't. He was a nice fit for his role in Live Free or Die Hard. Unlike the Mac commercials, the movie never condoned his annoying little attitude, rather his whole personality seemed meant to contrast and accentuate Bruce Willis' tough guy shtick. Much to my disappointment though, the PC never makes an appearance.

Live Free or Die Hard will probably insult your intellect: The action sequences are impossible, the villain is a ridiculously evil jerk, the script is just silly, and all law enforcement other than John McClane is slow and/or incompetent. But we should expect these things in a mindless action movie, and appreciated as such, Live Free or Die Hard is worth watching. If you're bored.

** 1/2

Michigan is a Crazy Place

There are lots of crazy things happening in Michigan these days.

A Michigan woman is suing the candy company, Mars Inc., for around $25,000 because Starburst candies injured her jaw. "I don't know, maybe about 3 chews and it literally locked my jaw … and it just literally pulled my jaw out of joint" (here's the story).

Team Heads to Michigan to Search for Bigfoot.

Grand Rapids - A 72 year old former marine beats up a pickpocket.

Last but not least - a few weeks ago, a guy in a wheelchair got his wheelchair handles stuck in the grill of a semi and the truck unknowingly took the man for a ride down the highway. I was glad to hear the man was not hurt, and I was also glad to hear there's a town in Michigan named Paw Paw. (story)

The price is wrong, Bob

I saw this story linked on Drudge and recognized that it would be significant to my readers. There has been a bill proposed in the state of California to require the sterilization of dogs and cats, except in the cases of licensed breeders of purebreds. Here are some notable facts about the bill:

1) It is supported by the formidable triumvirate of Pamela Anderson, Bob Barker, and Lionel Richie.

2) The Governater has yet to declare his opinion of the bill. There are two Schwarzenegger dogs: Sarge and Spunky. According to the story, "press secretary Aaron McLear declined to say whether the pets were neutered - 'out of respect' for the dogs". Oh yes, of course. Good answer. How rude of us to intrude upon the dignity of one such as Spunky Schwarzenegger, the yellow labrador retriever.

3) Dog/cat-fixing bill sponsor Lloyd Levine has another project on the side, which is to "phase out the incandescent light bulb". In case you haven't already made the connection for yourselves, allow me to point out that if Lloyd Levine succeeds, the scenario pictured below may no longer be possible:

Now Celebrating 2 Months of Literary Excellence

The night of April 26th was a night just like any other in San Diego (clear, 65F, nice), but it was also to be the night George McFly’s Left Hook published the first of many posts. “Is this thing on?”, was the question posed to anyone who would listen. “Yes” came the reply from an anonymous blog commenter. Yes indeed; this thing was on. Fast forward some two full months, and George McFly’s Left Hook is most definitely still on. The blog has exploded in just two months to reach literally tens of readers across the country… and overseas. What do people have to say about this blog?

They love it.

Just ask our friend Rodrigo, coming all the way from Lisbon, Portugal, who raves “Oi, I found yours blog for google tá well interesting I liked this post.”

Such words as these are exactly the reason why any writer ever bothers to pick up a pen. It is a thrilling experience to publish one’s best thoughts and later come to learn that a reader on the other side of the world, a person you have never met, finds yours blog for google well interesting. There are times when writers can't help but question themselves, pondering if the late night hours spent pouring over Google images for a picture of a big bear were truly worthwhile, but the knowledge of even just one happy reader like Rodrigo out there quickly reverses these doubts; that’s not just a picture of a big bear. That is time well spent.

So here's to all the Rodrigos in the world. I will do my best to keep it well interesting.

Career Opportunities: Bear Management Specialist

A big bear was captured in Montana recently (STORY). According to Mike Madel, bear management specialist (ATTENTION NEW GRADS: CAREER OPPORTUNITY!!), it is the "second-largest male grizzly ever recorded in the Northern Rockies Region", which is almost interesting. Furthermore, Mike Madel "wonders" if it was sired by the first largest male grizzly ever recorded in the Northern Rockie Region. "This bear," says Mike, "looked very much like that bear". That settles it; they must be related bears. So whether you are a new grad, or just unhappy with your current job and looking for something to better fit your personality, please consider an exciting career in the field of bear management. If it doesn't work out immediately, be patient: Mike Madel had been "managing bears" for 24 years before his big break. With hard work and dedication, you could one day join history as the captor of the third largest left-handed grizzly ever recorded in the Central Montana Tri-County area.

Book Review

The book for review this week is The Diary of a Country Priest, written by Georges Bernanos. At first, this one might be a struggle for the reader, particularly the reader of this blog (there are almost no animals mentioned in the story, and resultantly no funny pictures of animals). The Diary of a Country Priest is written in a diary format that takes some getting used to, and the country priest documents a lot of long, one-sided conversations that can be a challenge to follow. A large part of the difficulty comes from the fact that the story takes place in France, and so all of the names and places are French. It is hard enough already to follow a meandering plot in the aforementioned unconventional narrative format, but to make matters worse, here we have the author labeling critical plot elements in French, aka tapping a finger on the apostrophe key and mashing the keyboard with his free hand. There are quite a few different people to remember in this story, sometimes with five-part names like "M. le Cure d'Eutchamps"; resultantly, all the power of the reader's brain might easily be consumed just trying to keep track of the proper nouns. To me, this meant that while reading this book I often had no idea where, geographically, the country priest was, or who he was talking to.

After that last admission, I pause to ask the reader: Why are you continuing to read this review anyway? And, while paused, I have to tell some of my other readers that if they didn't have any problems with the French when they read it that's just great, but it does not mean I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or that I'm particularly slow.

So a helpful tip for the reader is to make mental associations fitting to those characters with unpronounceable names. These associations allow the reader to keep better track of the story line and follow character development. For instance, when seeing a combination of letters like "Mme Pegriot'll", the reader should condition himself to think "Tony Parker". This memory aid exercise will not only give the reader the ability to comprehend the existing story, but may in certain cases actually add interesting new elements to the plot, as the whole set of conversations and descriptions of a particular character will now be attributed by the mind to the Spur's point guard.

French-ness aside, The Diary of a Country Priest is a very good book. In summary, it will require perseverance and a strong memory, but it is a worthwhile read.

Rating: three stars.

Catholic Beer vs. Protestant Beer

Catholics get all the good stuff: the fullness of the truth, the sacraments, cool looking monks, and the best beer. I was pondering the different beers around the globe and how, generally, the best beer comes from historically Catholic countries.

First let's take a look at some classic Protestant beers.

• Heineken - from The Netherlands, which fell to the Protestants, and naturally declined into one of the most secular countries in the world today. Beer: fizzy and yellow.
• Newcastle and Bass to represent the British. Sure, they're okay, but is that how you really want to live? There's nothing worse than just an "okay" beer. Our Lord did not come to bring mediocrity (John 10:10).
• Samuel Adams. Named after one of America's fathers. No doubt a patriotic beer, and for that I have a deep respect for it. But honestly it's just not that great and they have lame commercials.

The Catholic countries that get most of the historical glory - Italy, France, and Spain - contribute next to nothing in the beer aisle. Other Catholic countries pick up the slack.

• Weihenstephaner. A Bavarian brewery started by Benedictine monks in 1040, boasting to be the oldest brewery in the world still in operation. I haven't had a Weihenstephaner in a couple years, nor am I certain how to pronounce it, but I remember it was really really good.
• The entire country of Belgium. Augustijn, Leffe, Petrus, Chimay & Westmalle (these two made in Trappist abbeys), and many others are the world's top shelf in beer.
• Guinness. Enough said.

I'm not saying all Protestant beer is bad. In fact, the India Pale Ale, a post-reformation British innovation, is one of my favorites. But on the whole they just can't compete. Just as in doctrine Protestants have much of the truth but are missing the full gospel message, they have some good beer but not the best. While the Protestants have shunned art and beauty, Catholics surge back embodying the baroque, fighting blandness with mystically refined flavorfullness. So in my completely unbiased opinion Catholic beer wins.

Belvedere

On June 15, 1957, some people in Oklahoma decided to honor their state's semi-centennial anniversary by ceremoniously burying a Plymouth Belvedere Sport Coupe. The idea was to dig it up 50 years later, and award it to whoever at the time was best able to estimate the 2007 Tulsa population. Here's the full story.


I was inclined to blog on this subject, naturally, if only for the opportunity to post a picture of the cast of "Mr. Belvedere". When I started my research though, I found much to my disappointment that the car has already been unearthed and examined by "hazardous materials crews"; aka, the Oklahomians couldn't help themselves and peeked. Before they peeked, the story had some intrigue because nobody had seen the car in 49 years; it could be anything from a rusty piece of trash to a $22,000+ gem. Now, thanks to the haz-mat crews, we know that some water got to the Belvedere, but an event organizer is still optimistic that the car is "90 percent solid". There will still be a ceremony (followed by a sock-hop) to unearth the Plymouth (again), but it won't be the same. By cheating and having an early look at the Belvedere, the Oklahomanites ruined the whole event and my will to blog at the same time. The story is not a total loss; when it comes time to sell my Civic, I will now know to tell potential buyers that I am "optimistic" that the car is "90 percent solid".

Movie Reviews

Today, we here at George McFly's Left Hook are adding an exciting new twist to one of our most popular features: you the readers get to decide what the next "George's Movie Review of the Week" will be! I will present here three (3) soon-to-be released films and then let your vote in the "Comments" section decide which film gets a review. To the first movie:

Live Free or Die Hard

Opens 06/27/07

"On July 4th the choice will be clear: Live Free - or Die Hard". This line from the trailer confused me. Upon further review, I am concluding that key plot developments are portrayed as occurring on July 4th, but the film actually opens in late June. Or maybe you have to watch it, think it over for a week, and then the plot becomes clear afterward, around July 4th. "Oh, now I see where they were going with that! He had to live free... or die hard." Opening date confusion aside, the following sequence of events from the movie's trailer has convinced me to buy a ticket:

1: McClane jumps out of speeding police cruiser. Empty cruiser crashes and hurtles through the air, striking a helicopter and exploding.

2: Young man to McClane: "You just killed a helicopter with a car!"

3: McClane: "I was out of bullets"

So as you can see, this movie is not for the faint of heart. Never before has a helicopter been killed on film, and some may object to such graphic car-on-helicopter violence. This movie will surely be met with strong protests from the helicopter rights activists. On to the next movie.

Transformers

Opens 07/03/07

I predict that Transformers will be the biggest hit of 2007. On the surface, it promises to be everything that a big blockbuster hit needs to be: big budget, slick special effects, famous producer, and a fourth of July-ish release date. This is not just another summer blockbuster however; deeper down it could be something more. Transformers has the potential to use the artistic venue of the cinema to reach into the very soul of viewers in a unique way, appealing to a basic, and very real thing that is found in every human person - an element of ourselves sometimes forgotten, but never lost: the desire to see cars and trucks that turn themselves into robots, and then back to cars and trucks again. Everyone loves robots, and the world right now needs this film. It can't be released soon enough, as far as I'm concerned.

Next movie...

Sicko

Opens 06/29/07

Everyone loves robots, but how about Michael Moore? This time he's going to lend his insight to to the world of healthcare. I can't wait to find out what, exactly, is wrong with healthcare in America and what we need to do about it. I know personally that I had to go to the dentist for some fillings, and they are actually going to bill some of it back it to me even though I've got insurance. Not fair. I mean, I know I agreed to a co-pay arrangement, but still, that just doesn't seem cool. Its bad enough I've got a cavity, and now you're saying I've got to spend my own money? And then the other day I was thinking about it while waiting in line at the Post Office (I had about 15 minutes, it being a weekday morning in May and all - fever pitch time for the USPS I'm sure), and it occured to me how much different things would be if those guys were handling my health care instead of these incompetent clowns at the insurance company. Looks like Mike can really do some good for the world with this movie.

So there you have it. It is now up to you to select the next "George's Movie Review of the Week". You decide.

Fainting Goats!

Big Weekend in Sports

This weekend is shaping up to be one of the biggest sports weekends of 2007: The Cavs and Spurs will be playing in the NBA Finals at San Antonio, but not to be overlooked Chad Johnson and a horse are racing each other on Saturday in Cincinnati. In a series that promises to be physically demanding, I believe that one obvious advantage for the Cavs is their youth . For instance, LeBron is 22 and Boobie is 21; whereas for San Antonio, Tim Duncan is 31, Manu Ginobili is 29 and Eva Longoria is 32.


The horse/Chad matchup is more complicated though, and requires some in depth analysis:

Chad Johnson Vs. Horse

Experience: Jockey Patti Cooksey (real name), has already experienced victory riding against a Bengal receiver. There is no record however, of Chad Johnson ever racing a horse and as Johnson's teammate Carson Palmer put it "I don't think he really understands how fast horses are".
Experience advantage - Horse.

Momentum: Race horses in their prime don't usually go around challenging people to foot-races. This horse must be nearing the end of his career, and trying to cash out. He probably sees the writing on the wall and is going to try to parlay the notoriety from this race into an appearance on reality TV - think "Dancing with the Stars". Chad Johnson, on the other hand, I believe is truly in this for the kids. He doesn't need fame - his career is fine, and he just keeps getting better and better at football. At times, one would almost think that he can't be stopped. Chad even sells a book about this. It is called "Chad: I can't be stopped"

Momentum advantage - Chad.

Intimidation factor: A horse can be pretty intimidating. As TJ Houshmandzadeh says, "If he (Johnson) turns around and sees the horse getting close, he'll get discouraged and probably slow down." Who wouldn't get discouraged in that situation? But flip this around and imagine if the horse were to catch sight of Chad Johnson. Horses can be spooked when they see something out of the norm. I just can't rule out the possibility that Chad Johnson will spook that horse. If the horse pitches her off, Patti Cooksey won't be able to hold the lead for very long on foot.

Intimidation factor - slight advantage: Chad

Winner: Chad. Chad Johnson is going to surprise everyone and beat this horse. With the series split 1-1, this may spark off a great sports rivalry between Cincinnati and horses. Says Johnson "Some of the things I'm going to be doing this year are crazy, and racing a horse is one of them". Here is a man that says exactly what he means. I know who I'll be rooting for this weekend.

A Slacker Indeed

Okay, I confess to being a complete slacker when it comes to this blog. While I don't mean to justify the prolonged inactivity, I can only offer the reasons for it.

Reading. Most of my life I have wasted free hours with excessive TV, video games, "hanging out", etc. I never really wanted to learn until I was eighteen. Even in college I did the least amount of work required to get by. After graduating, I finally mustered the motivation to do some serious reading, and for the last four years I've been trying to make up for lost time.

So instead of spewing out the nonsense of an unread simpleton, with the potential of others actually being subjected to it, I figured why not feed my brain a little, so that one day I can blog real good-like.

Nevertheless, I will try to make an effort to post more often, no matter how intellectually damaging it may be. No guarantees though.

Product Review: Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard Treat

There can be no serious discussion of the all-time greatest ice cream treats without Dairy Queen coming up again and again. Over the years, DQ has become an important name amongst all the respected dessert enthusiasts. So when George McFly’s Left Hook needed a review article for DQ’s “Blizzard of the Month”, I was quick to volunteer.

My test Blizzard came in the Medium package: DQ also offers a Small, and a Large. All three models come equipped standard with a spoon, lid (optional), and plastic bag for portability (also optional). I declined the available upgrade to additional toppings for $.50 each. As tested, the Dairy Queen Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard Treat (DQCWCBT) came in at $3.29, priced competitively with the McDonald’s McFlurry.

The executives at Dairy Queen seem to have high expectations for the DQCWCBT, perhaps hoping that it will become one of their biggest successes during 2007, and they are using plenty of resources to market it. In addition to awarding it “Blizzard of the Month” status, Dairy Queen has launched an aggressive TV, radio and internet advertising campaign featuring 'Waffle Cone' and 'Soft Serve' portrayed as a young couple passionately in love. “Waffles and Soft Serve. They were made for each other” is the tagline. Turns out that Waffles and SoftServe even have a MySpace page. Please take my advice and don't follow the link. I find the whole concept behind this marketing campaign repulsive, and that's all I have to say about it.

Enough background: onto the test. I thought that the Blizzard itself was excellent, at times showing brilliant flashes of the legendary M&M Blizzard. It has a 'faux gentility,' in that it seems to be precocious and almost ready to eat at first. But further aeration in a wide tulip glass reveals a core of minerality and a perfect balance of chocolate and caramel. It is very elegant, complexly flavored, with absolutely no rough edges and a wonderful texture. A great match with caviar, seafood, and delicate fish entrées. DQ has always perfected an almost even blend of candy and soft serve, but this time they have outdone themselves.

Ok, that is actually a modified wine review from another website, but I think it still describes the Blizzard pretty well. Dairy Queen has produced a fine new Blizzard that should be successful in the premium midsize dessert market alongside the Orangesickle Shake by Jack in the Box, as well as the Cookie Fudge Fantasy from Eat ’n Park.

SUMMARY

Positives: Large servings; free spoon - standard; great in a tulip glass with delicate fish.

Drawbacks: Very long name (Dairy Queen Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard Treat); commercials make Blizzard difficult to enjoy; precocious

Overall rating: **