Catholic Beer vs. Protestant Beer

Catholics get all the good stuff: the fullness of the truth, the sacraments, cool looking monks, and the best beer. I was pondering the different beers around the globe and how, generally, the best beer comes from historically Catholic countries.

First let's take a look at some classic Protestant beers.

• Heineken - from The Netherlands, which fell to the Protestants, and naturally declined into one of the most secular countries in the world today. Beer: fizzy and yellow.
• Newcastle and Bass to represent the British. Sure, they're okay, but is that how you really want to live? There's nothing worse than just an "okay" beer. Our Lord did not come to bring mediocrity (John 10:10).
• Samuel Adams. Named after one of America's fathers. No doubt a patriotic beer, and for that I have a deep respect for it. But honestly it's just not that great and they have lame commercials.

The Catholic countries that get most of the historical glory - Italy, France, and Spain - contribute next to nothing in the beer aisle. Other Catholic countries pick up the slack.

• Weihenstephaner. A Bavarian brewery started by Benedictine monks in 1040, boasting to be the oldest brewery in the world still in operation. I haven't had a Weihenstephaner in a couple years, nor am I certain how to pronounce it, but I remember it was really really good.
• The entire country of Belgium. Augustijn, Leffe, Petrus, Chimay & Westmalle (these two made in Trappist abbeys), and many others are the world's top shelf in beer.
• Guinness. Enough said.

I'm not saying all Protestant beer is bad. In fact, the India Pale Ale, a post-reformation British innovation, is one of my favorites. But on the whole they just can't compete. Just as in doctrine Protestants have much of the truth but are missing the full gospel message, they have some good beer but not the best. While the Protestants have shunned art and beauty, Catholics surge back embodying the baroque, fighting blandness with mystically refined flavorfullness. So in my completely unbiased opinion Catholic beer wins.