New Sky Mall Summer 2008 Catalog

Last winter, as some readers may recall, Nerf shook up the foam projectile arms market when the formidable N-Strike Long Shot CS-6 was introduced. With a groundbreaking scope, it promised to change the Nerf battlefield forever and competitors were left scrambling for an answer. Almost a year later, the first alternative arrives : The Marshmallow Shooter now makes a serious bid for the customers of the Long Shot, making Nerf's scope technology seem obsolete by featuring an LED beam site, for improved accuracy. And the innovation doesn't stop there: the back of the box includes a built-in target for "practice". It is of the utmost necessity to make frequent use of the practice target; there will be no room for error when we face the enemy!

While this is clearly a response to Nerf's Long Shot, Sky Mall won't admit it. Rather, the product description makes reference to the Shooter's superiority over "other mallow blasters". One supposes that the Sky Mall advertising guys were trying to divert attention from an embarrassing short-coming of the Mallow Shooter: it's 30 foot range, while respectable, comes woefully short of the Long Shot's industry-leading 35 foot range. In light of this, the Shooter's flashy LED site would appear to be nothing but a cheap gimmick, and this may be why the Sky Mall front office tries to turn the conversation to these "other" mallow weapons they speak of.

Could it be the marketers who have fallen short, rather than the product? Consider that the Mallow Shooter actually does have a significant advantage over the Long Shot, because it fires readily available mini-marshmallows. Nerf ammunition is a somewhat rare and costly commodity, so Sky Mall engineers have really devised a very clever work-around. They turn to something as innocent as your local grocery store for an economical solution to the global shortage of foam projectiles. Considering that their mallow bazooka's retail price already undercuts the Long Shot by roughly $5, Sky Mall suddenly positions itself to level the world-wide balance of power, by providing poorer nations with a world class foam-weapons upgrade.

With this perspective, it becomes more clear why the Sky Mall marketers "overlooked" their new weapon's most appealing feature; Sky Mall would have to deal with an unpleasant public uproar were it known that this Bazooka, if successful, will ratchet up the price of mini marshmallows by turning them into weapons.

I do not mean to paint Sky Mall as some sort of cold, heartless, warmonger. Sky Mall makes valuable contributions to the lives of everyone with their catalog of wonderful and exciting products. So in the interest of balanced reporting, I present the "Pet's Observation Dome". While you may not be ready to tear down that wall between you and your neighbor, at least make a first baby step toward peace today, by poking a big hole in it. Imagine the delight of your neighbors when they step into their backyard one morning and realize that they are being observed by your pet, through a slick new Observation Dome, freshly installed! Sky Mall notes that "(s)pacing several portholes along the fence gives your pet an unfettered view of its surroundings".

Some skeptics have vented complaints in the "comments" section for this product. Apparently, the Dome is prone to fog up with a pet's head inside of it, and furthermore, drool tends to collect on the bottom. Both problems are easily remedied! Just install holes into the porthole to release dog exhaust and allow drool to drain, dribbling neatly out of sight on your neighbor's side of the fence.