Friday, March 14, 2008

The Life and Death of a Coffee Table

There are many great things about life as a bachelor. One of them is the flexibility for innovation in home décor.

When I relocated to San Diego three years ago, I loaded up a U-Haul with furniture I had accumulated over the years, and some pieces that my family no longer had use for. I unpacked and settled into my suburban apartment, and soon realized I had nowhere to prop my feet while sitting on my couch watching TV. After carefully deliberating all the options at the local Wal-Mart, I finally decided on the cheapest coffee table available.

By the world's standards, she wasn't the most beautiful coffee table. It had no glass top or handy compartments; no fancy ornamentations or legs that curve inward and outward and resemble animal paws. Coasters were not necessary. It was just a slate of common wood with four legs.

But this simple surface soon became an integral part of the apartment's life. Roommates eventually moved in and our domestic activities centered around this shared table. We put our beverages on it and it graciously held the remote control.

Occasionally the table would take some abuse. It had to be moved quite often to make room for working out in the living room, which took a toll on its poor legs. From time to time one roommate would, in his enthusiasm for inflicting punishment, throw another roommate into the table. Our coffee table quietly endured these trials and held together - for a while. It's aged limbs would become weary and wobbly. Duct tape held her together for a while, but as you can see in the picture, we eventually had to amputate.

After the surgery, it was difficult to adapt. Meals weren't quite the same. Drinks would slide to the floor. I could never find the remote.

One day that happy summer, upon returning from the beach, we discovered that a cooler, coupled with a shoe box, made a perfect Styrofoam prosthesis for that crippled coffee table. She was as level as she was on the day I assembled her. We had a place to put things again. It was just like old times.

The remaining months were peaceful, but it became apparent that although our coffee table was level again, it was in the waning moments of its life.

Friends, tonight this table held its last drink, its last book and its last foot. Fare thee well, dear coffee table. Fare thee well.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like the part about "From time to time one roommate would, in his enthusiasm for inflicting punishment, throw another roommate into the table."

Anonymous said...

I liked that part as well

Anonymous said...

Wow, if all it takes is the demise of a coffee table to get you writing, I would be more than happy to give you some flimsy TV trays or a rickety old chair on the verge of collapsing. . .

Nice work, Darin, I hope to see more from you soon.

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Anonymous said...

I am still waiting for pictures of Darin thrown thru the old coffee table or even a vikings Fire SHip funeral service out in the Harbour. Come on GENTS you know that the old girl deserves nothing less for her long and hallowed service to 5830.

Darin said...

I laid the ol' girl to rest last week in the dumpster. It was a closed casket. But hopefully we'll see her anew one day in that great big living room in the sky.

Jonny Bartsch said...

I like that this is catagorized as a "saga."