Michigan is a Crazy Place

There are lots of crazy things happening in Michigan these days.

A Michigan woman is suing the candy company, Mars Inc., for around $25,000 because Starburst candies injured her jaw. "I don't know, maybe about 3 chews and it literally locked my jaw … and it just literally pulled my jaw out of joint" (here's the story).

Team Heads to Michigan to Search for Bigfoot.

Grand Rapids - A 72 year old former marine beats up a pickpocket.

Last but not least - a few weeks ago, a guy in a wheelchair got his wheelchair handles stuck in the grill of a semi and the truck unknowingly took the man for a ride down the highway. I was glad to hear the man was not hurt, and I was also glad to hear there's a town in Michigan named Paw Paw. (story)

The price is wrong, Bob

I saw this story linked on Drudge and recognized that it would be significant to my readers. There has been a bill proposed in the state of California to require the sterilization of dogs and cats, except in the cases of licensed breeders of purebreds. Here are some notable facts about the bill:

1) It is supported by the formidable triumvirate of Pamela Anderson, Bob Barker, and Lionel Richie.

2) The Governater has yet to declare his opinion of the bill. There are two Schwarzenegger dogs: Sarge and Spunky. According to the story, "press secretary Aaron McLear declined to say whether the pets were neutered - 'out of respect' for the dogs". Oh yes, of course. Good answer. How rude of us to intrude upon the dignity of one such as Spunky Schwarzenegger, the yellow labrador retriever.

3) Dog/cat-fixing bill sponsor Lloyd Levine has another project on the side, which is to "phase out the incandescent light bulb". In case you haven't already made the connection for yourselves, allow me to point out that if Lloyd Levine succeeds, the scenario pictured below may no longer be possible:

Now Celebrating 2 Months of Literary Excellence

The night of April 26th was a night just like any other in San Diego (clear, 65F, nice), but it was also to be the night George McFly’s Left Hook published the first of many posts. “Is this thing on?”, was the question posed to anyone who would listen. “Yes” came the reply from an anonymous blog commenter. Yes indeed; this thing was on. Fast forward some two full months, and George McFly’s Left Hook is most definitely still on. The blog has exploded in just two months to reach literally tens of readers across the country… and overseas. What do people have to say about this blog?

They love it.

Just ask our friend Rodrigo, coming all the way from Lisbon, Portugal, who raves “Oi, I found yours blog for google tá well interesting I liked this post.”

Such words as these are exactly the reason why any writer ever bothers to pick up a pen. It is a thrilling experience to publish one’s best thoughts and later come to learn that a reader on the other side of the world, a person you have never met, finds yours blog for google well interesting. There are times when writers can't help but question themselves, pondering if the late night hours spent pouring over Google images for a picture of a big bear were truly worthwhile, but the knowledge of even just one happy reader like Rodrigo out there quickly reverses these doubts; that’s not just a picture of a big bear. That is time well spent.

So here's to all the Rodrigos in the world. I will do my best to keep it well interesting.

Career Opportunities: Bear Management Specialist

A big bear was captured in Montana recently (STORY). According to Mike Madel, bear management specialist (ATTENTION NEW GRADS: CAREER OPPORTUNITY!!), it is the "second-largest male grizzly ever recorded in the Northern Rockies Region", which is almost interesting. Furthermore, Mike Madel "wonders" if it was sired by the first largest male grizzly ever recorded in the Northern Rockie Region. "This bear," says Mike, "looked very much like that bear". That settles it; they must be related bears. So whether you are a new grad, or just unhappy with your current job and looking for something to better fit your personality, please consider an exciting career in the field of bear management. If it doesn't work out immediately, be patient: Mike Madel had been "managing bears" for 24 years before his big break. With hard work and dedication, you could one day join history as the captor of the third largest left-handed grizzly ever recorded in the Central Montana Tri-County area.

Book Review

The book for review this week is The Diary of a Country Priest, written by Georges Bernanos. At first, this one might be a struggle for the reader, particularly the reader of this blog (there are almost no animals mentioned in the story, and resultantly no funny pictures of animals). The Diary of a Country Priest is written in a diary format that takes some getting used to, and the country priest documents a lot of long, one-sided conversations that can be a challenge to follow. A large part of the difficulty comes from the fact that the story takes place in France, and so all of the names and places are French. It is hard enough already to follow a meandering plot in the aforementioned unconventional narrative format, but to make matters worse, here we have the author labeling critical plot elements in French, aka tapping a finger on the apostrophe key and mashing the keyboard with his free hand. There are quite a few different people to remember in this story, sometimes with five-part names like "M. le Cure d'Eutchamps"; resultantly, all the power of the reader's brain might easily be consumed just trying to keep track of the proper nouns. To me, this meant that while reading this book I often had no idea where, geographically, the country priest was, or who he was talking to.

After that last admission, I pause to ask the reader: Why are you continuing to read this review anyway? And, while paused, I have to tell some of my other readers that if they didn't have any problems with the French when they read it that's just great, but it does not mean I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or that I'm particularly slow.

So a helpful tip for the reader is to make mental associations fitting to those characters with unpronounceable names. These associations allow the reader to keep better track of the story line and follow character development. For instance, when seeing a combination of letters like "Mme Pegriot'll", the reader should condition himself to think "Tony Parker". This memory aid exercise will not only give the reader the ability to comprehend the existing story, but may in certain cases actually add interesting new elements to the plot, as the whole set of conversations and descriptions of a particular character will now be attributed by the mind to the Spur's point guard.

French-ness aside, The Diary of a Country Priest is a very good book. In summary, it will require perseverance and a strong memory, but it is a worthwhile read.

Rating: three stars.

Catholic Beer vs. Protestant Beer

Catholics get all the good stuff: the fullness of the truth, the sacraments, cool looking monks, and the best beer. I was pondering the different beers around the globe and how, generally, the best beer comes from historically Catholic countries.

First let's take a look at some classic Protestant beers.

• Heineken - from The Netherlands, which fell to the Protestants, and naturally declined into one of the most secular countries in the world today. Beer: fizzy and yellow.
• Newcastle and Bass to represent the British. Sure, they're okay, but is that how you really want to live? There's nothing worse than just an "okay" beer. Our Lord did not come to bring mediocrity (John 10:10).
• Samuel Adams. Named after one of America's fathers. No doubt a patriotic beer, and for that I have a deep respect for it. But honestly it's just not that great and they have lame commercials.

The Catholic countries that get most of the historical glory - Italy, France, and Spain - contribute next to nothing in the beer aisle. Other Catholic countries pick up the slack.

• Weihenstephaner. A Bavarian brewery started by Benedictine monks in 1040, boasting to be the oldest brewery in the world still in operation. I haven't had a Weihenstephaner in a couple years, nor am I certain how to pronounce it, but I remember it was really really good.
• The entire country of Belgium. Augustijn, Leffe, Petrus, Chimay & Westmalle (these two made in Trappist abbeys), and many others are the world's top shelf in beer.
• Guinness. Enough said.

I'm not saying all Protestant beer is bad. In fact, the India Pale Ale, a post-reformation British innovation, is one of my favorites. But on the whole they just can't compete. Just as in doctrine Protestants have much of the truth but are missing the full gospel message, they have some good beer but not the best. While the Protestants have shunned art and beauty, Catholics surge back embodying the baroque, fighting blandness with mystically refined flavorfullness. So in my completely unbiased opinion Catholic beer wins.

Belvedere

On June 15, 1957, some people in Oklahoma decided to honor their state's semi-centennial anniversary by ceremoniously burying a Plymouth Belvedere Sport Coupe. The idea was to dig it up 50 years later, and award it to whoever at the time was best able to estimate the 2007 Tulsa population. Here's the full story.


I was inclined to blog on this subject, naturally, if only for the opportunity to post a picture of the cast of "Mr. Belvedere". When I started my research though, I found much to my disappointment that the car has already been unearthed and examined by "hazardous materials crews"; aka, the Oklahomians couldn't help themselves and peeked. Before they peeked, the story had some intrigue because nobody had seen the car in 49 years; it could be anything from a rusty piece of trash to a $22,000+ gem. Now, thanks to the haz-mat crews, we know that some water got to the Belvedere, but an event organizer is still optimistic that the car is "90 percent solid". There will still be a ceremony (followed by a sock-hop) to unearth the Plymouth (again), but it won't be the same. By cheating and having an early look at the Belvedere, the Oklahomanites ruined the whole event and my will to blog at the same time. The story is not a total loss; when it comes time to sell my Civic, I will now know to tell potential buyers that I am "optimistic" that the car is "90 percent solid".

Movie Reviews

Today, we here at George McFly's Left Hook are adding an exciting new twist to one of our most popular features: you the readers get to decide what the next "George's Movie Review of the Week" will be! I will present here three (3) soon-to-be released films and then let your vote in the "Comments" section decide which film gets a review. To the first movie:

Live Free or Die Hard

Opens 06/27/07

"On July 4th the choice will be clear: Live Free - or Die Hard". This line from the trailer confused me. Upon further review, I am concluding that key plot developments are portrayed as occurring on July 4th, but the film actually opens in late June. Or maybe you have to watch it, think it over for a week, and then the plot becomes clear afterward, around July 4th. "Oh, now I see where they were going with that! He had to live free... or die hard." Opening date confusion aside, the following sequence of events from the movie's trailer has convinced me to buy a ticket:

1: McClane jumps out of speeding police cruiser. Empty cruiser crashes and hurtles through the air, striking a helicopter and exploding.

2: Young man to McClane: "You just killed a helicopter with a car!"

3: McClane: "I was out of bullets"

So as you can see, this movie is not for the faint of heart. Never before has a helicopter been killed on film, and some may object to such graphic car-on-helicopter violence. This movie will surely be met with strong protests from the helicopter rights activists. On to the next movie.

Transformers

Opens 07/03/07

I predict that Transformers will be the biggest hit of 2007. On the surface, it promises to be everything that a big blockbuster hit needs to be: big budget, slick special effects, famous producer, and a fourth of July-ish release date. This is not just another summer blockbuster however; deeper down it could be something more. Transformers has the potential to use the artistic venue of the cinema to reach into the very soul of viewers in a unique way, appealing to a basic, and very real thing that is found in every human person - an element of ourselves sometimes forgotten, but never lost: the desire to see cars and trucks that turn themselves into robots, and then back to cars and trucks again. Everyone loves robots, and the world right now needs this film. It can't be released soon enough, as far as I'm concerned.

Next movie...

Sicko

Opens 06/29/07

Everyone loves robots, but how about Michael Moore? This time he's going to lend his insight to to the world of healthcare. I can't wait to find out what, exactly, is wrong with healthcare in America and what we need to do about it. I know personally that I had to go to the dentist for some fillings, and they are actually going to bill some of it back it to me even though I've got insurance. Not fair. I mean, I know I agreed to a co-pay arrangement, but still, that just doesn't seem cool. Its bad enough I've got a cavity, and now you're saying I've got to spend my own money? And then the other day I was thinking about it while waiting in line at the Post Office (I had about 15 minutes, it being a weekday morning in May and all - fever pitch time for the USPS I'm sure), and it occured to me how much different things would be if those guys were handling my health care instead of these incompetent clowns at the insurance company. Looks like Mike can really do some good for the world with this movie.

So there you have it. It is now up to you to select the next "George's Movie Review of the Week". You decide.

Fainting Goats!

Big Weekend in Sports

This weekend is shaping up to be one of the biggest sports weekends of 2007: The Cavs and Spurs will be playing in the NBA Finals at San Antonio, but not to be overlooked Chad Johnson and a horse are racing each other on Saturday in Cincinnati. In a series that promises to be physically demanding, I believe that one obvious advantage for the Cavs is their youth . For instance, LeBron is 22 and Boobie is 21; whereas for San Antonio, Tim Duncan is 31, Manu Ginobili is 29 and Eva Longoria is 32.


The horse/Chad matchup is more complicated though, and requires some in depth analysis:

Chad Johnson Vs. Horse

Experience: Jockey Patti Cooksey (real name), has already experienced victory riding against a Bengal receiver. There is no record however, of Chad Johnson ever racing a horse and as Johnson's teammate Carson Palmer put it "I don't think he really understands how fast horses are".
Experience advantage - Horse.

Momentum: Race horses in their prime don't usually go around challenging people to foot-races. This horse must be nearing the end of his career, and trying to cash out. He probably sees the writing on the wall and is going to try to parlay the notoriety from this race into an appearance on reality TV - think "Dancing with the Stars". Chad Johnson, on the other hand, I believe is truly in this for the kids. He doesn't need fame - his career is fine, and he just keeps getting better and better at football. At times, one would almost think that he can't be stopped. Chad even sells a book about this. It is called "Chad: I can't be stopped"

Momentum advantage - Chad.

Intimidation factor: A horse can be pretty intimidating. As TJ Houshmandzadeh says, "If he (Johnson) turns around and sees the horse getting close, he'll get discouraged and probably slow down." Who wouldn't get discouraged in that situation? But flip this around and imagine if the horse were to catch sight of Chad Johnson. Horses can be spooked when they see something out of the norm. I just can't rule out the possibility that Chad Johnson will spook that horse. If the horse pitches her off, Patti Cooksey won't be able to hold the lead for very long on foot.

Intimidation factor - slight advantage: Chad

Winner: Chad. Chad Johnson is going to surprise everyone and beat this horse. With the series split 1-1, this may spark off a great sports rivalry between Cincinnati and horses. Says Johnson "Some of the things I'm going to be doing this year are crazy, and racing a horse is one of them". Here is a man that says exactly what he means. I know who I'll be rooting for this weekend.

A Slacker Indeed

Okay, I confess to being a complete slacker when it comes to this blog. While I don't mean to justify the prolonged inactivity, I can only offer the reasons for it.

Reading. Most of my life I have wasted free hours with excessive TV, video games, "hanging out", etc. I never really wanted to learn until I was eighteen. Even in college I did the least amount of work required to get by. After graduating, I finally mustered the motivation to do some serious reading, and for the last four years I've been trying to make up for lost time.

So instead of spewing out the nonsense of an unread simpleton, with the potential of others actually being subjected to it, I figured why not feed my brain a little, so that one day I can blog real good-like.

Nevertheless, I will try to make an effort to post more often, no matter how intellectually damaging it may be. No guarantees though.

Product Review: Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard Treat

There can be no serious discussion of the all-time greatest ice cream treats without Dairy Queen coming up again and again. Over the years, DQ has become an important name amongst all the respected dessert enthusiasts. So when George McFly’s Left Hook needed a review article for DQ’s “Blizzard of the Month”, I was quick to volunteer.

My test Blizzard came in the Medium package: DQ also offers a Small, and a Large. All three models come equipped standard with a spoon, lid (optional), and plastic bag for portability (also optional). I declined the available upgrade to additional toppings for $.50 each. As tested, the Dairy Queen Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard Treat (DQCWCBT) came in at $3.29, priced competitively with the McDonald’s McFlurry.

The executives at Dairy Queen seem to have high expectations for the DQCWCBT, perhaps hoping that it will become one of their biggest successes during 2007, and they are using plenty of resources to market it. In addition to awarding it “Blizzard of the Month” status, Dairy Queen has launched an aggressive TV, radio and internet advertising campaign featuring 'Waffle Cone' and 'Soft Serve' portrayed as a young couple passionately in love. “Waffles and Soft Serve. They were made for each other” is the tagline. Turns out that Waffles and SoftServe even have a MySpace page. Please take my advice and don't follow the link. I find the whole concept behind this marketing campaign repulsive, and that's all I have to say about it.

Enough background: onto the test. I thought that the Blizzard itself was excellent, at times showing brilliant flashes of the legendary M&M Blizzard. It has a 'faux gentility,' in that it seems to be precocious and almost ready to eat at first. But further aeration in a wide tulip glass reveals a core of minerality and a perfect balance of chocolate and caramel. It is very elegant, complexly flavored, with absolutely no rough edges and a wonderful texture. A great match with caviar, seafood, and delicate fish entrées. DQ has always perfected an almost even blend of candy and soft serve, but this time they have outdone themselves.

Ok, that is actually a modified wine review from another website, but I think it still describes the Blizzard pretty well. Dairy Queen has produced a fine new Blizzard that should be successful in the premium midsize dessert market alongside the Orangesickle Shake by Jack in the Box, as well as the Cookie Fudge Fantasy from Eat ’n Park.

SUMMARY

Positives: Large servings; free spoon - standard; great in a tulip glass with delicate fish.

Drawbacks: Very long name (Dairy Queen Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard Treat); commercials make Blizzard difficult to enjoy; precocious

Overall rating: **