2007 Christmas Gift Guide

Don't look now, but the holidays are upon us, and you've got just one month left to check everybody off on your gift list. It can be a stressful time of the year, but a little planning can save you a lot of trouble. My helpful tip for shoppers this year is simple: Don't get gifts for anybody. It will save money and time, and if anyone dare question it, they are walking right into a self-righteous ambush. Here's how it goes:

YOU: So this year, I'm not getting any gifts for people.

VICTIM: I like gifts! You are a bad person. You are selfish and thoughtless not to participate in our annual gift card exchange ritual!

YOU: Oh, I guess I'm just too mature and classy and good to really care about stuff like that. I'm above it, if you will. Not like you.

VICTIM: What?! I'm not materialistic! You're wrong... er... The Three Kings... Saint Nicholas... presents are good!

YOU: Hey, I've got an idea: You "people of the world" love your television sets right? Maybe you should watch a program called "A Charlie Brown Christmas", and start to undertand the way I see it. Do they still show that one?

VICTIM: You win! You are a better person than me and a genius and you don't have to buy presents for anybody.

YOU: I know.

Yes, this debate will always result in overwhelming victory for the anti-gift-exchange party, and then you get to take all that extra $$$ you've saved and indulge yourself! With this in mind, I've assembled my 2007 Christmas Gift Guide, with some items I might buy for my own enjoyment.

SPY VIDEO CAR:

You cannot go wrong with r/c cars. They are forever, like diamonds. These days, Wild Planet is adding a new twist to the r/c car with the Spy Video Car, a part of its Spy Gear collection. It is a radio controlled car with a camera mounted on it. The obvious benefit of this arrangement, as the packaging proudly proclaims, is the ability to "SPY on COOL STUFF in other places!" That is basically what the CIA does, and now you can too. The images collected by the car's camera are viewed in a small, head-mounted screen over the operator's eye "[b]ecause plain-sight video monitors are not acceptable in the spy world", according to the manufacturer. The Spy Car can be used to conduct covert missions "[f]rom the safety of your spy headquarters... wherever your video vehicle travels, indoors and out, up to 75 feet away." Apparently, 75 feet is a safe distance "in the spy world". The box also mentions that the car delivers a "COOL BLACK & WHITE VIDEO FEED". Color video feeds are sort of getting old - it was a nice touch by the manufacturer to go the extra mile and get one of these high-tech black-and-white feeds. Next product.


NERF N-STRIKE LONGSHOT CS-6

Sometimes the spy life can get dirty. If the hostiles suffer the misfortune of discovering your Spy Car, then it's all over - for them, not for you because you've got a Longshot. This is serious Nerf firepower. The CS-6 doesn't cut any corners. It has a scope. That's right. Some of you may be wondering what purpose a scope could serve, given your knowledge of the nature of the Nerf ammunition. Well, this is 2007, Nerf's not messing around anymore and the CS-6 has a devastating 35 foot range. This puppy loads with clips. Yup, clips of Nerf darts. They even thought to add a fold-down bi-pod to keep 'er steady. If the fight gets in close, the 3 foot behemoth can be dismantled into a more manageable single-shot sidearm with one-handed operation. It may seem like overkill, but the CS-6 could easily be obsolete next year if the Nerf "Chemical Weapons" product line hits the shelves.

So that should give you some ideas to get started. Remember, cash is kind of the best gift ever.