Helpful decorating tips

One of the best things about air travel is the "SkyMall" catalog. Located in the seat pocket in front of you, this catalog always presents a fascinating collection of products. A hot new item that they are offering these days is the Hardwood Hideaway. "Solid hardwood dog kennel doubles as a sophisticated end table!" The Hardwood Hideaway, pictured right, will add "style and class to your home", explains SkyMall. In case you were wondering, the Hardwood Hideaway does function as a nightstand as well.

If you plan to buy the Hardwood Hideaway, then you are going to need a few cans of Poop Freeze, also available from SkyMall. This item may be found by going to www.skymall.com and searching the site for the term "poop". Here is the product description:

"Poop Freeze is an easy, earth-friendly way to do your 'dooty' and clean up after your dog. It chills animal waste to -62°F, creating an outer 'crust' that enables you to quickly place in a bag and dispose. Makes picking up loose stool and diarrhea easier. Effective for all kinds of pets, including dogs, cats, birds, etc. Indoor or outdoor use. Safe for humans and pets when used as directed."

It is safe for humans and pets! Who needs indoor plumbing then, right? Thanks to SkyMall, you can lock your golden retriever inside the nightstand, and then poop on the carpet, all the while adding sophistication and class to your home.

A Season to Remember About: Installment II

Disappointment: PB Ballers 75ish - Marauders 50 or so

San Diego, CA: The third time was not a charm for the Marauders, as the losses just keep on coming in the BOSS 6'2" and Under Men's Basketball league. The PB Ballers easily overcame a variety of zone defenses, and the Marauders could not keep up with prolific scorer Jeff Pucci. As matter of fact, the Marauders are still not sure exactly which one of the PB Ballers was actually Jeff Pucci. Says utility reserve guard shipping + receiving manager Gary "Last week they had this short guy with a crew-cut, and I figured that guy had to be Pucci, but he's not here this week".

While the point total improves on their last game's paltry 26, Maruaders fans shouldn't put too much hope in that statistic. As power forward/assistant coach Luis puts it "In the second half they were just (putting forth less than a full, sincere effort) around with us".

There could be a long list of reasons for why the Marauders are struggling to win games: inexperience, lack of chemistry, uniforms identical to opponents', Caucasian grandparents at guard spots matched against college kids from a certain ethnic background considered to have a genetic athletic advantage - all of these factors have been adding up to lop-sided defeat. As the Marauder's beat writer, my conclusion is that the biggest concern is mismanagement of talent. Certain players best suited for particular tasks are not performing those tasks enough, and instead other players not as well suited are performing those tasks more. For example, I am a good scorer. The rest of the team is not good at scoring. The solution is that I should stop passing the ball to the less capable teammates, and try to shoot more. Furthermore, I have proven to be the only Marauder who, on a consistent basis, is capable of dribbling the ball across the court in the presence of defenders and then passing to an open teammate. The intelligent thing for the Marauder's to do is to designate all ball-handling activities to me.

These changes ought to be made for the Marauders from the top. Under the current system, the coaching staff consists loosely of two guys named "Luis". The best case scenario would be an official coaching switch, wherein I take the place of both Luises. It may be difficult to explain the benefits of this to the Luises and the rest of the team though (I don't think they read the blog), so the next best alternative is for me to implement the changes from the floor without "running it by" the team first per se.

Marauder's fans might have reason to look forward to Monday night's showdown with Kappa Alpha. The changes should go well, and if nothing else, will lead to an interesting blog entry next week.